Finding Life's Gifts--Our Russian Adoption & Life journey

Plantar Fasciitis

2009-01-06T07:32:00.000-08:00

Well, it sucks, that's about all I can say.

This is a self-diagnosis, mind you, but it sure fits so I'm pretty sure it's it.

I over-wore my aerobic shoes. I knew I'd blew them out and then wore them at least another week. And I go daily. Right now I'm sitting with ice on my heel so I'm contained and figured I'd spend a minute on my neglected blog.

So, let's see, what else has happened since the summer?

We have a gorgeous new floor. Seriously gorgeous. I still kind of admire it when no one is looking. The dining room is purple, and looks great. I'm waiting for my security clearance so I can start working soon, (I've been given an offer based on my ability to secure the clearance, it's been over 4 weeks and it was said to be a 6-8 week process) I'm heading to Mexico on a girl's vacay to celebrate a friends' 40th next Thursday. The twins are turning 7 in 2.5 weeks (wow).

James continues to thrive, sometimes we have setbacks (the holidays were very hard for him) and sometimes you'd simply never know he'd been institutionalized for his first 6 years.

Darby's getting better and better at her voice output device, and becoming so much more verbal. Sunday some friends came over and she walked up to the mom and made eye-contact and said hi twice!

Cory is excelling in everything. And Pokemon has entered our life. I don't think I'll ever really figure out what the heck it is, but he loves it.

Bruno's dealing with the constant threat of job cuts. The high-tech industry has really put us on edge. C'mon Detroit, get your butt in gear...it's not like this wasn't coming for a very long time, why acted so surprised with no plan to figure this out on your own?

Okay, off my soapbox. My icing is finished (at least it's just all I can stand right now). I'm going to add a couple pictures, just cuz it's fun. Two are from our Annual Autism Walk and the other one is James creating a gingerbread masterpiece!

It wouldn't be fair not to mention Wii in the holiday discussion

2009-01-04T08:27:00.000-08:00

So, we are a Wii family.

You either are, or you aren't.

We play Wii Sports. We play Wii Fit. We play Mario Brothers. Bruno has Wii Fitness Coach and likes it. We are a Wii Family.

We have Guitar Hero. I personally think this is a blast. We've played it exactly 3 times since Christmas.

Why you ask?

Because we can't get the kids off the Wii! LOL

Seriously, it's funny. Everything they do is to earn Wii time. Shoveling the driveway, workbook pages, cleaning (well, I can dream).

Here's Darby doing Wii Music. Seriously cool stuff if you ask me.

Well, honey, that's why it's called shopping!

2009-01-03T15:48:00.001-08:00

Bruno ran to the store for me tonight with a list.

On it was Oranges.

He came home and said "well, the bagged oranges just looked awful. The price was $6.99 too, and there were only 6 oranges in the bag. The single oranges were only $.79 each, so I bought those."

"Yes, honey, that's why it's called shopping".

Seriously...did he think it was easy spending all his money?

(Hi Blog!)

Holy Moley! Lightning!

2008-07-20T15:14:00.000-07:00

Friday morning, I was getting the kids loaded into the car, leaning in to buckle Darby into her seat and out of nowhere a tree not 30' away got hit by lightning. I could see the strike through the windshield of my car.

Immediately, well, really at the same time, the garage door opener above our heads (I'd closed the glass of the sunroof thankfully, but not the shade) exploded.

Figured it out later, but what seems to have happened was the lightning hit the tree, arced over to our mosquito magnet which is less than 10'or so away, and the lightning/electricity surged up the extension cord into the garage where the mosquito magnet is/was plugged in.

So far we've lost our wireless router, a TV, a DVD player, and the mosquito magnet. Oh, and the GFCI outlet on the porch next to the hot tub. Since we're still working the claim with Allstate for the living room floor that flooded while we were out of town, I feel like they'll think we're making this stuff up.

Oh, and yes, the kids were freaking, but we made a game of it. The loudness made Darby cry, but I ate her face until she was laughing. James is currently afraid of everything, so he was more of a challenge. Cory took it in stride.

It wasn't even drizzling when the lightning hit. It was totally out of the blue. Oh, and the neighbor's across the street lost a TV, it exploded and started on fire. So...all in all, I'd say we were incredibly lucky.

Happy Birthday Kristen

2008-07-12T04:36:00.000-07:00

24 today. Aw baby...24.

Here's how I would have wished your day....

Wake you up early, with laughter and breakfast & coffee. (yeah, I know you wouldn't live here, but this is my dream)

Shopping for a special outfit for you to wear tonight out with your friends. Lunch, a long lazy one where you tell me what is on your mind and where you want the next year to take you. A pedicure in the afternoon.

Big dinner with the family. All of us around a table in a restaurant singing our lungs out embarrassing you. Cake, Candles. Then watching you do your hair as you go out with your girlfriends to celebrate. Waiting up on the couch...kissing you goodnight.

Heaven better have kick-ass birthday parties. I love you baby.

Just one of those days...

2008-07-09T10:41:00.001-07:00

Opened the back door this morning to let the dogs out and .... eek gads....a snake.

And frankly, the day hasn't improved much.

Making BF's birthday cake today, meeting at school with Dynavox & Darby's spec educator, but it was really an ineffective meeting for me, not much meat for me to get involved in. Darby's doing very well in her summer program and with her VOD. She rocks.

Tomorrow is James' first appointment at the behaviorists working farm. This was expensive, so I hope it's effective. He's had some tough times this summer, the lack of structure & he really has no memory of last summer at all...his earliest memories really seem to be around his birthday. Even with pictures of people or events, you can tell he's lost.

As usual, Cory is just loving living life. Nothing escapes him, not one ounce of fun will be passed over.

Back to the trenches. We'll see what form of rodent or reptile plagues me the rest of the day.

Hello Blog! So much to catch up on!

2008-07-06T17:03:00.000-07:00

Let's see...

Last week we drove to Delaware. First, let me give you background.

Sister in law (SIL) is helping Mother in Law (MIL) and Stepfather in Law (SFIL) to buy a house a mere two houses away from hers. (she's freaking certifiable if you ask me, but hey...who asks me?) First off, she absolutely cannot stand SFIL. To the point the man is not allowed to step foot in her house...so...she's helping them live 2 doors down??? Okay, you get the picture.

Anyway, the house was supposed to close on the 26th. Well, there was a lot of cleanup and such that needed to happen in this house, it had been repossessed and was in serious shape. So, Bruno was going to spend 3-4 days helping rip up carpets, paint, etc., and I was going on to my friend's Steph's in PA, only 2 hours away.

So, we drive to Delaware with the kids. Trip is actually very long, but good. Kids do fairly well, only had to stop to let the boys pee on the side of the road once on the way down. We get to SIL's in Delaware, ~11:30 or so, spend the night. Get up and kind of laze the morning away, SIL is at the closing, we go look over the house 2 doors down (realtor left it open and SIL is having trees cut down....sooooo not cool since she doesn't have the keys yet, but hey...who are we, the escrow police?)

So, closing does not go well, some kind of discrepancy over $2200, should be handled the next day, I leave with the kids for my friend's house in PA.

Spend a wonderful 2 days in PA. Pool, sun, fun, good food, good friends, kids have play-mates (Steph has b/g twins just a bit older than Cory & Darby), I have my sweetest friend making me loads and loads of strawberry daquiries (or were they margaritas? who knows?), and then...dandandaaaaaa the phone rings. It's Bruno, it's Saturday afternoon, and he's begging me to come pick him up.

I stutter....um...haven't fed the kids yet! Yeah, that's the ticket, the kids need to eat! I can't just drop everything and drive 4 hours round trip, the kids need to eat! Woohoo, I'm saved, right? Nope...he's desperate. SIL is on the warpath, the closing never happened the next day either, the realtor came by and threatened to call the police and charge them with trespassing, they can't work on the house and then to top it off, her A/C goes out! So, she's furious and hot! He needs to get out of there.

And I look at the 3rd pitcher (I think?) of margaritas we've been drinking (or are they daquiries?) and I know I can't drive....and Steph's sweet husband looks up and says..."I'll go get him!"

Woohoo!

So, he comes, we drive back on Sunday, we get home ~7. ~10pm we notice it's wet by the dog's crate...great, she peed on the floor. Damn! We sop it up with towels, go to bed. The next morning I come home from J-cise and Bruno looks at me and says "we have a problem". The floor is absolutely soaked.

Turns out the stand up room portable A/C unit (does NOT hang in the window) has been dumping water onto the floor through it's (obviously) defective de-humidifier.

Yes, we had to rip up the carpet. Yes, the really beautiful (why was it ever covered???) wood floor under the carpet is TOTALLY RUINED! Called insurance, homeowners, and they calculate our claim--without ever coming out here to look at it--and send us a check (for like $600). I have a guy come out to give us an estimate on removing the rest of the carpet, fixing the cupped wood flooring, etc., and he says "this job is way too big for me, I'll call a buddy of mine that does this size of work and have him come out". Hey, Allstate, I don't think $600 is going to cover this....

So, Bruno decides it's time to do a complete makeover to the family room. Hello 46" LCD flat screen. It's home is over the fireplace. Looks great there. Add to it the new sound system and the mystery couch I have yet to order and then the mystery floors we have yet to get an estimate on and voila! You have our new living room.

Seriously...we're going to the wood floor, but it's going to need some serious work. The boards where the A/C leaked are beyond sanding & refinishing and need to be pulled up and replaced.

So...fast forward....

Jazzercise'd the parade this 4th of July, the boys rode in the back of a convertable collector's Camaro, waving flags. Danced my butt off in the heat, was loads of fun, can't wait for next year's parade to do it again.

Took the boys to pick strawberries today, making pies tonight. I am not Martha Stewart. (I have to keep telling myself that)

Here's the boys today...

Central Park...in the rain

2008-06-23T09:13:00.000-07:00

I can't think of a more gorgeous place to spend a rainy afternoon.

The carosel, the hot dogs, an ice cream, and just meandering down paths. Seeing the NY city skyline poke up every once in a while behind the trees. Feeling the rain washing me and everything around clean. Watching children dance to street musicians.

The languages, the people, the laughter.

It was my first trip, and it was magical. I truly hope NY'ers who go there often realize what a gem it truly is.

Oh, and you know what? If the porta-john's little window is red, that means it's FREAKING OCCUPIED! (very stupid woman with weiner dogs showed my hoo-ha to the entire NY population due to her inability to understand porta-john language)

Laser Hair Removal

2008-06-17T14:02:00.000-07:00

Well, folks, let me tell ya.

It really doesn't hurt much.

While there are a few spots slightly more tender than others, all-in-all, it doesn't hurt much. Until....you get to the incredibly sensitive area between your hoo-ha and your legs. Then it hurts. For a while.

However, the benefits of smooth skin and never having to shave far outweigh the few moments of discomfort.

So, the low-down on the entire process is:

$100 a treatment.

Several treatments are needed, and there's no way to know ahead of time, as each person's hair growth cycle is different. The more contrasting the colors are (i.e., black hair on very white skin) makes the laser more precise. Tanning is not recommended for at least 4 weeks prior to the laser treatments. The smell is horrible. Burnt hair and it's instantaneous. Eeek gad, it's a stinker. Anyway, it takes 7-10 days for the dead hair to fall out, and you have to exfoliate to try to avoid ingrown hairs as the hair regrows (if it does).

So, my next treatment is the end of July. Seriously, it did hurt when it was along my leg up against my "girl parts". The other part of my bikini area was absolutely no big deal, hardly even noticed it. The crease of my underarm was a tinge more sensitive then the rest of it, but it was totally bearable. No flinching at all (I did flinch twice, one on each side of the hoo-ha area).

You know what? Makes me feel pretty darn sexy...and it will last a lifetime.

And thanks to my pal LJ, I'm going to try a micro-derm face peel thingy next month too.

Some Tball pictures

2008-06-14T04:30:00.001-07:00

What a week!

2008-06-14T04:06:00.001-07:00

So, Bruno left on Monday for MN. Travel for work again. This was the last full week of school, so we figured the kids would be okay, they'd be very busy with school excitement. Monday/Tuesday...no big deal. Wednesday I interviewed for my Guardian Ad Litum (GAL) position. Then I decided to take a break from the hum-drum life I lead and have lunch with a girlfriend on the Church Street Mall

(think gorgeous summer day, open mall, loads of people watching, good food, good company). Then my cell rings.

It's the school nurse. James has a fever.

I tell her I'm downtown, I have to finish here (I have to pay for the food, don't care if I don't get to eat it, but I can't just walk away), and that it's going to take me a while to get there. So, off I go.

I get to school, James is running 101+. We get in the car and he says to me "Mama, why did it take you so long?" The stupid nurse never told him how far away I was and that I was on my way! GRRRR

So, he's home ill. We watch loads of Blue's Clues, Winnie the Pooh, etc. This does, however, throw a major monkey wrench in my plans to surprise Bruno with his father's day gift of a new radio in his truck (I went that morning and got his fuel door fixed at the dealership, it had been broken for over a year). Installation for the radio (that I bought a week ago and left at the store) is scheduled for the next morning. So I have to get the truck there by 9pm. 3 kids, 1 sick. Hmmm. My plan to meet my girlfriend at 2pm and get a ride home from the store is trashed, as my child is sick, and she has little ones that would have to be in the car at the same time.

So, I enlist my neighbors. She is in the middle of battling breast cancer, 2 chemo treatments down, 1 to go. She's feeling good today though, and had worked and everything, so they take it in for me. She comes back and thanks me, they found a TV they just bought for $300 less at the store when they dropped our truck, so are returning the one they bought and saving $300.

Okay, James is still sick on Thursday. More TV, puzzles, etc. Darby's aide cancels on me for Thursday night. I'm starting to go a little dingy in the head at this point, I need adult conversation or to workout or something. And I need to pick up the truck. Bruno finishes up his work in MN a day early, so changes his ticket to come home earlier to give me a break, he's now due home at noon on Friday instead of 10pm.

As we don't have an aide for Friday night, this sounds good to me.

James is still sick on Friday morning, running a low grade fever. He's had a decent appetite, held everything down, drinking, peeing, sleeping, etc. I look at him and in my heart I know he's be so bummed if he missed his last day of school, so I do what any good parent would do. I give him Tylenol and put him on the bus.

Now Bruno's plane is delayed, and I have to be at Cory's end of school ice-cream party at the same time he's due in. So, I now need to get Bruno's truck to the airport so he has a way home, and still have time to buy all the ice cream for the party. Oh, and get it there before it melts, as the school's freezers are chock full of food for the staff party after school ends.

My best friend to the rescue. She meets me at the airport and gives me a ride back to the store to get my van just in time. I have no time to leave the Father's Day card on the dash like I planned, in fact, I actually left the receipt (how tacky of me!) in the truck in my haste.

But, all was well. Bruno's plane was delayed even more, but he made it to school for the tail end of Cory's party. We gathered Cory & Darby (James wanted to ride the big bus home one last time...he just got to move to the regular bus from the special needs bus the week before), and we are out of there.

Darby has school Monday & Tuesday, but the boys are enrolled in Jr. Jazzercise camp (I enrolled them before they announced the extra snow days they tacked on the end of the year), so their last day was yesterday, and Darby's will be Tuesday.

Okay, time to go see what Cory did on Webkinz.

Guardian Ad Litum

2008-06-11T11:01:00.000-07:00

I interviewed today to become one. Simply put, it's an objective "parent" for a child that's in the family court system due to neglect, abuse, etc.

I would be a volunteer part of the "team". My job would be to meet with the CPS (child protective services) social worker, attorney for the child, therapists, school teachers, doctors, etc, and then formulate & bring my recommendations for the child's best interest to the hearings/judge.

There is huge potential for heartbreak here, but I want to do something meaningful for kids.

So, they've offered me the position (kind of funny, they are desperate for volunteers), and I start training next week.

I feel very fortunate I have the time to dedicate to this. I hope I do it well. Wish me luck.

Excerpt from William Shatner's "Up till Now" book

2008-06-09T05:16:00.000-07:00

I have no idea what the laws are in quoting someones autobiography that was ghost written by someone else, but this line was so freaking funny I absolutely have to share it.

In the animated film Over the Hedge, I played Ozzie the Opossum, whose primary survival techniques is playing dead, but truly dramatically playing dead. Shatnerian playing dead (think Captain Kirk's wooden acting) Jeffrey Katzenberg, the head of DreamWorks, sent the cast, including Bruce Willis and myself, to the Cannes Film Festival for the premiere of the film. As we were walking up the red carpet, surrounded by photographers, we were introduced to the French actors who had played our characters in the French version. Wait a second, I wondered, we're the stars of this film, right? I KNEW WE were stars, our names were in big letters on the lobby cards and in the credits. But as this is an animated film our faces weren't on the screen, and now our voices were being replaced by French actors. So we were the stars of a a film in which we didn't even appear. What were we doing there?

This entire book is his amazement at his life. His viewpoints are funny and he has no trouble poking fun at himself. I lusted after Bill when he did "I can't get behind that", then I fell in love with Denny Crane, and now, damnit, I'm just sorry my dad isn't alive for me to tell him how cool Captain Kirk really is, and how I get how much my dad liked him. I understand now why my dad liked him, and I'm sorry it's after my dad died that I found something else I had in common with him.

Dad, I hope you know I get it now.

And I'm enjoying it immensely!

Sunday June 8th

2008-06-08T03:34:00.000-07:00

So, where are we?

Today is the boy's T-Ball tournament. Something like 6 games in two hours. And it's supposed to be really hot. We went from winter to summer with basically zero spring. It was 60 as a high on Friday, 92 yesterday. What in the world?

So, our A/C units are all installed for the summer. Bruno's on his way to MN again tomorrow morning, and while I'm sure we'd survive without them, I'm much happier with them. We have another full week of school for all the kids ahead, and I can see the kids, James particularly, getting on the excitable/anxious side for summer.

Thankfully, I have him getting out of school and going into a dance camp for a week. In fact, thanks to snow days, our school was extended two days. I didn't have that information when I signed up the boys for this dance camp (Cory will go too) and I talked to the teachers about pulling the boys out on the Friday school was supposed to end. Cory's teacher looked at me and said "are you nuts? Take him out!" and James' teacher said "there won't be much more than parties and playing on those two extra days, dance camp would be a far better choice". So, I'm good with it.

My tattoo is finally relaxing it's itch factor. Oh, yes, dear blog, I finally got my tattoo. It's been many years coming, and it's symbolism is lost without understanding how I got to where I am in my grief journey and life, and I do keep it hidden most of the time, but it's mine and I couldn't get over the total "wow" of getting a tattoo. I'm 43 years old and the minute I walked out of the tattoo place I had this feeling of empowerment come over me I never expected. I didn't feel all "billy bad ass" or "nasty nellie", I just felt like I had control over my body, how it looks, how I feel about it. I'm sure losing 57 pounds first had an awful lot to do with it too, but there's just something I can't really describe on top of all of it.

I made a choice to change myself and I did. Not just losing weight and getting fit & healthy, but to get a tattoo that had the deepest meanings in my life.

So, posting a picture of it. It's taken the day after, so there's a lot of swelling & redness still, but you can see it, and where it is on my body.

Oh, and here's an update on Darby's Voice Output Device (hereafter called VOD).

Friday, I'm outside weeding our front walk. I get a phone call and don't recognize the number (I'm a caller-id junkie) and so was a bit surprised by who it was. It was the salesman for Dynavox that we just had a training session with on Wednesday. I had no idea why he was calling, our next training is set up for 3 weeks from now, he'd emailed me an answer on the one question he couldn't answer on the spot at the training, etc.

So, I ask him what I can do for him and he says something like "well, it's more what I can do for Darby".

"I don't understand?"

"Well, this is something new to me, it's never happened ever here as far as I know, but I recieved a directive from someone very high up, actually the sales director for all of North America, to make sure I was taking very good care of Darby"

"Oh?" At this point I know what's going on, and here's the backstory. A friend of mine, one that I've actually never laid eyes on, is friends with the brand new director of sales for North America at Dynavox. I have a lot of internet friends and am always amazed at how small the world is, and how big hearts can be. She must have relayed to her friend our VOD journey, or part of it, because I'm not sure anyone really knows the whole journey. 2 years ago Darby was evaluated by the state team for a VOD, and they determined she needed one and was an excellent candidate for one. School did not pay the entire fee (short $100) and so the evaluating team's influence ended there. School did not forward me the report, saying they never got it. (all of this is pieced together with what I could find from all kinds of weird sources). Once Darby became a Kindergartner, all the clocks and money barrels (fed funding) opened wider. So a new evaluation took place, one where they paid $500 instead of $400 and I got a copy of it. With a lot of work, a lot of trials of devices, and some seriously excellent report writing by our school SLP, we finally got Darby's Dynavox.

(video of her using an obsolete model while waiting for hers in a training session is linked from the fundraising page to the right of the blog)

Anyway, some snafu's at Dynavox itself (their insurance expiditor is NOT my friend, she added at least 1+ weeks to the approval process by not listening to very specific instructions to utilize ONLY Darby's single-point-of-contact at our insurance company...love it when people know your shit better than you do, right? NOT!)

So, anyway, in the midst of everything, this was excellent news. The salesman is researching things that are appropriate with Darby's skill levels and will get back to us. Darby's use and proficiency with this thing are just exploding. She's a kid that should NEVER be underestimated.

Plus she's gorgeous.

Okay, next topic tomorrow? William Shatner. Damn, he's one funny guy. Oh, and Jeff Dunham. The show we saw in April in CT was the funniest show I'd ever been to.

All in all, I have an idea that June 8th is just an excellent day all around, you know?

Update on stuff

2008-06-04T12:55:00.000-07:00

It may be that many things I talk about now started during my 5 month hiatus (life was just too busy to blog) and so I apologize up front if I leave people in the dark. Feel free to let me know you need background info if I seem obscure.

Today I had my plaquinel toxicity screening at the opthlamologist. Since being dx'ed with rheumatoid arthritis (in like Jan?) I was put on this drug. Yes, this is the malaria drug that causes hallucinogenic dreams...and it does and it's cool, they are soooo weird and totally off-the-wall. Anyway, where was I? Yes, I have to be screened carefully for this toxicity that causes blindness. It's rare, but I have no desire to take chances with my eyesight, you know? Anyway, so I did that today, and we also had a training session with Darby's VOD & the sales rep for the company. That was 2 hours of intense q&a.

Today was supposed to be my first laser hair removal appt in recognition of hitting a major weight loss goal. Unfortunately, having my bikini area waxed 4 weeks ago means the hair hasn't quite grown in enough for the laser to effectively permanently remove it, so I'm pushed out AGAIN for another 2 weeks! ARGH! I still have 7-8 more pounds to lose to hit my final goal, but the weight I'm at (well, 3 pounds ago) was what I told myself I'd be deliriously happy with if I ever made it there.

A tummy tuck was in my mind for the big celebration-gift-to-self, but the recovery period is horrible and no lifting for 8 weeks is impossible with the kids. I still have to haul off and cart them away if they act up somewhere and they are all well over 40#.

What else...hmmm??? Did I mention Bruno had Lasik a month ago? One eye only, ~$2k, and he's now 20/20 and very happy.

Oh, and our house is up for sale because we want a bigger one (I'd be happy with a cleaner one, but whatever).

That's today's mini-update. The boy's last regular day of T-ball is tonight too, so I'll try to get some pictures to post. Cory is a natural, as he is with most/all sports. James is doing INCREDIBLY well, considering his eyesight/depth perception issues and the language barrier. (who uses words like home in reference to a bag in the dirt in typical speech?) He gets a little lost when running the bases .... oh, I have to tell this story:

Last week, he's playing a mini-game. Everyone hits, everyone runs, everyone scores kind of thing, right? James is on first base. The coach says "run to second!" when the next batter hits. James has no clue what "second" is, so he just starts running. I watch him pass the outfield, and start yelling to the coach "Yo! James is running and not stopping!" The coach is a little busy coaxing the hitter to first base, so ignores me for a while, but I am insistent. By the time I really get the coach's attention, James is like 4 fields away running through the outfield and showing no signs of stopping. Think "Run, Forest, Run!" and you'll get the idea.

Needless to say before he left the county, the coach had the other coaches catch him and stop him and turn him around.

Would a good mother find humor in this and post about it on her blog?

Hmmm, there's another chin-scratcher, huh?

Okay, let's talk sauce

2008-06-02T05:21:00.000-07:00

Sauce, as in Red Sauce. Meat Sauce. Ragu.

You know, the authentic stuff, that if you think you're Italian, you have to make it from scratch stuff. In a 5 gallon pot no less.

With a million vegetables that have to be sauteed first.

I swear, Top Chef should come to my kitchen and have a quick-fire challenge to make sauce. This is as close to a "I am Italian because my last name says I am" exercise as you can possibly get.

He speaks only one word of Italian, "Manga" (means eat), and while in some weird twist of genetics he has Italian coloring, stature, features, and due to very smart marrying down the line he's maintained an incredibly Italian name...this sauce thing is just hilarious.

For starters, it's his mother's recipe, and she's not Italian.

For seconds, I am the enlisted help and I'm so far from Italian it's nearly sad.

For thirds, while it's excellent sauce, it is not life-blood (although try to tell him that).

Seriously...it's good. And it's excellent stuff to take to pot-luck dinners because everyone just moons over it, and I have a pot-luck on Saturday. I have never seen anyone turn this stuff down, it's basically a meat stew with tomato sauce in it.

Aw, hell. He's cute when he's all kitchen bossy. And I like this, as it's a reminder that when in the right situation, I can take orders well (well, almost well).

Sauce tonight it is. The only thing is, we can never agree on rigatoni (again, he thinks he's Italian) or angel hair.

Let's talk softball in your 40's

2008-05-31T04:41:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm in my *ahem* early 40's and I have recently joined a softball team.

Now, I am thinking the last time I played I was in my 20's. So, this is a stretch, you know? 20 years is a very long time. And even though I attended what seemed like hundreds and hundreds of Kristen's games, when handed the scorebook the first night I was a little lost (it did all come back to me, but there was a moment of panic).

Some things that I have found different playing softball in your 40's as opposed to your 20's for me are:

This whole arthritis thing. I can barely grip the stupid bat, and when I make contact, it hurts! Note to self: Buy some freaking batting gloves!

I cannot tolerate hecklers in the stands. At all.

I am so not serious about the game. I spent the last game complimenting the shoes of a guy on the opposing team that was just knocking them out of the park. I started calling the poor guy "Shoes" when he came up to bat.

Flirting is a strategy. (I was playing catcher) I flirted with a guy on the other team and he swung & missed so hard he nearly fell down. Very flattering that he was trying that hard to show off for me. Of course, he was in his 20's...which is just too pervy to comment on.

In my 20's, I would have been embarrassed to have a guy on my team running the bases on my heels. In my 40's, I appreciate the push.

In my 20's, I would have been embarrassed to fall under the legs of the center-fielder when we collided for the same fly ball. In my 40's, it's hilarious.

In my 20's, I cared who won. In my 40's I'm proud of myself for being able to walk un-assisted to the car after the game.

Basically, it's a blast.

It's here! It's here!

2008-05-30T14:27:00.000-07:00

Finally!!!

Darby's Voice Output Device (VOD) is here!

On the fundraising page (link on right) should be a link. We're uploading video tonight of her using an obsolete model during the trials, her actual one (it's pink) arrived this evening and will be on the charger as soon as dinner's done & cleaned up.

We'll personalize it (pictures, text for Darby, etc.,) and she'll have it Monday at school!

www.dynavoxtech.com to learn more.

This is easily the biggest event in Darby's life since she was diagnoses. A non-speaking child gets a voice. Freaking wonderful thing, don't you think?

What a gorgeous day

2008-05-29T13:38:00.001-07:00

Wow

2008-05-29T07:52:00.000-07:00

http://www.pandora-jewelry.com

OMG. My girlfriend just gave me a Pandora bracelet to thank me for watching her dog while she was on vacation.

This is the most awesome gift...I cried it's so damn pretty and feminine, and I've always wanted one since I heard about them. I love charm bracelets but have always been so clumsy that the charms got stuck on stuff and ripped off, but this is different, completely different.

I loved having her dog too, which is just so strange, to get such a seriously thoughtful thank-you gift for doing something I had such a good time doing.

What a day.

5 months later...

2008-05-28T11:14:00.000-07:00

Dear Neglected Blog,
I promise to be better.
Here's some photo's of what we've been up to since we talked last.

Have a nice day...

I know it's been forever...

2008-01-27T15:33:00.000-08:00

But this month has just been insanely busy.

Between the twins' birthday and then all the stuff that gets put off during the holidays and then all the stuff that got put off due to the kids' birthdays I haven't had two minutes to rub together!

Okay, so where were we?

I'll start with the oldest kid at home: James

James got invited to his first birthday party (think I posted that) and then a second one within a week. Then it was Cory & Darby's birthday so he really got a crash course in what a birthday was. We've had at least 20 discussions about it. We didn't celebrate his birthday because Cory, Darby & I were still in Europe last year. (James & Bruno got home on March 1st, we got home on the 5th, and James' birthday was the 4th, so we didn't do anything at all).

Anyway, we had some serious regressions issues. He seems to be coming back around, but it's been tough. Some fits and temper tantrums at school (I was so lucky to get to witness one as I walked into his room Tuesday) that we had to completley re-think strategies so we could stop this immediately. Seems he really scared one of his friends, too, by throwing pencils. All over having to practice his letters. shees. His paraeducator tries to be more of a friend than an authoritive figure, and it's a very hard line to balance on. James needs to attach and trust, but he also can't be in charge. So, we met as a team on Friday and worked up new ideas and I really think we'll see a turn-around.

Darby...oh, man! She's cooking now! School FINALLY procured a voice-output device for her (it's an obsolete loaner, but it's the start and I'm so jazzed). We've been pushing for this for well over a year. She is running with this thing (meaning doing incredibly well!). She told off her special educator the other day (LOL) by telling her "I'm all done, I don't like this!" when the teacher tried to make her do something different with the computer. She's playing more and more new games, seeking out interactions from both adults & kids, managing lots more classroom activities appropriately, you name it. She's just doing awesome!

Cory. What isn't there going on in Cory's life? He's so on top of things academically, I can't believe how well he's reading. He's so into hockey right now too, he's trying to talk us into building a rink in the front yard. He had a game today and stopped a bunch of goals while he was on goalie and really worked the rink while he was on offense. I swear, he's the most active, smart, funny kid...he lights up a room and has more patience for his sister & brother than I do (and I'm the one that's SUPPOSED to!)

Progress reports for the kids are due home tomorrow. James' team told me that he is scoring above average. Can you believe this? He is soaking in the academics like there is no tomorrow. His language is great, he's getting behind ideas now like "between, before, etc.". We're working hard now on him learning about time, days of the week, etc. Math seems to be his strongest point, he HATES doing his letters (the fit I witnessed was practicing writing), he has an awesome imagination, and we're looking to put him into a drama class when it starts up.

Oh, forgot to mention, Cory starts Lacrosse next week, James starts a new gymnastics program (separate from his dance). So, both boys have 2 activities a week. Wow, too bad no one will help me and get them scheduled on the same day.

We hired a new PCA for Darby and I think she's going to last a long time. She's so sweet and awesome with all 3 kids. She's a psych major and admitted that Darby is way easier to hang out with than she thought she'd be.

Bruno left today for NY, which might be tough on James, although in all honesty, James got used to all the travel Bruno was doing a while back, so let's hope he is okay with it this time. Darby too. She's such a daddy's girl!

I leave on Wednesday to visit my ex-MIL. Kristen's grandma. I am so excited to go see her, she's been in my life for 26 years, can you believe that? Almost 3 times the length of time I knew my mom alive. The weather there is forecasted in the 50's and frankly, that's a heat wave for what I've been used to and I can't wait. I have a new coat (Ann Taylor was having an awesome sale!) and a couple new blouses (nothing was fitting right anymore).

Even the dogs seem to be doing well, so I expect I'm due for a major disaster soon. Dishwasher's still working, maybe the fridge? Let's just hope not the car, with Bruno out of town I'd be so sunk!

Here's a few pictures from the birthday parties and school and hockey and whatever. Oh, the camera lens issue is still ongoing ($800 for a lens that will not work with the camera body thanks to a design flaw and Nikon says "oh, so sorry!"...BS!)

Dishwasher woes...

2008-01-09T13:40:00.000-08:00

A gaping hole is all that's left of what used to be one of my best friends.

My dishwasher caved to the pressure on 12/20/07. It was 7 months old.

3 Service visits and they left with it.

After all my patience was totally exhausted, a new unit has been ordered and will arrive next Tuesday.

I'm cautious as to my relationship with this new one.

Please, someone, give me strength to go another week washing dishes for this family that expects to eat 3X/day +.

Did I mention I hate the smell of latex gloves? The hot pink color alone starts giving me the shakes.

Christmas pictures

2008-01-06T12:15:00.000-08:00

Pj's grandma made with Grandma & Aunt Lisa
Webkinz addicts
Air Hockey Champs!

Took the boys shopping for their dad today

2007-12-22T12:01:00.001-08:00

Actually we went shopping for the boys for shoes. The nearby factory outlet shoe store is having a sale, guess most people don't buy shoes for Christmas gifts because the store was kind of empty.

There wasn't anything I was interested in (maybe I'm just so shopped out?) but we went to a different nearby store and the boys found something they claimed "DAD HAS TO HAVE"

So, yeah, I caved. We bought it. It's wrapped and under the tree and they are quite pleased with themselves. I really believe Dad has 3 or 4 of them, but they swear he doesn't. Whatever. I'm sure a man can use another one.

I wish it would just get here and be done. I'm tired of being done over and over because I buy just one more thing for someone, you know? Next year I'm waiting until Christmas Eve so I quit with all the extra shopping I do.

Holidaze in all its glory

2007-12-20T10:42:00.000-08:00

This morning I woke up, got dressed and turned to my ever-faithful dishwasher to pull out my favorite coffee mug only to find...

BLINKING LE LE LE

Oh, dear gawd in heaven, no.

My inlaws are here in 4 days.

We have 3 children who like to eat off clean dishes.

So, I do what every in-denial-housewife does when presented with a non-working piece of much-needed machinery. I hope it's wrong.

And I re-start the dishwasher.

It drains, and runs for 15 min. I think, yeah! buddy!, it was just messing w/me!

And then it dies again, and dings it's little ding for 5 min.

Beckoning me....pleading with me that even though it's only 6 months old...it's been abused by this house. Run many days twice a day.
Slammed.
Overloaded.
Taken for granted.

So, I do what every in-denial housewife does when presented with a twice-dead dishwasher 4 days before her in-laws are due to show up and expect to eat.

I call the place I bought it from and leave the most woeful message ever heard on their service.

"Please, you don't understand what my MIL is like, you must come and fix this now!"

And the man who listened to the message took pity on me...
and they came.
and they diagnosed.
and they said "you need parts!"

So, moral of the story...
stay in denial.

Finished today (shopping for Xmas that is!)

2007-12-18T16:54:00.000-08:00

And I'm so relieved.

We have 3 boxes of teacher gifts to take in tomorrow, and I need to mail my niece's gift cards tomorrow and I'm through!

Oh, and Bruno carelessly mentions to me today that he has to bring in a potluck dish on Thursday, and for some reason I was completely reminded of Kristen telling me she needed 32 cupcakes the next morning about 16 years ago.

Wow...at least it brought a smile to my face. I'm going to experiment with making up a crock-pot full of breakfast burrito fixings...think it might work?

2007 Polar Express

2007-12-16T18:09:00.000-08:00

Okay, what family braves 10" of unplowed snowy roads to ride a train for 20 min, drink mediocre hot chocolate, eat sugar cookies, sing Christmas Carols much too loud and then listen to a book they know by heart to wave hello to Santa and get a bell?

Us.

The weekend in Preview

2007-12-15T04:45:00.000-08:00

Expected snowfall this weekend:

Between 12-24"

Everyone's freaking out. I don't understand. This is winter where we live? This is what we get, this is what's supposed to happen. Why are people freaking out? Face it folks, we chose to live where it's freaking cold and snows alot. Get over it or move south.

So, here's what's on tap. Last night we had the "girls" over for dinner and gave them their gifts. We only have two aides this year, so it was small & quiet. Lasagne. Store bought, passable, okay, but not great.

This morning is hockey, hippotherapy and that's really it.

Tomorrow however, is busier. Much.

In the morning, Darby will go with one of us to make gingerbread houses. Then the boys have Jr. Jazzercise from 11-1, with a performance of all they've learned for us at the end. Then we have a potluck dinner before we get on the Polar Express at 5. My camera is sure to get a workout at this pace.

Monday I have a job interview. I have seriously mixed feelings about this, but I promised Bruno I would go with an open mind, so I will try. Hopefully, they will hate me.

Monday night we have a potluck in Cory's class, a get-to-know-the-other-parents kind of thing. I wish it wasn't the week before Christmas *sigh* but we'll manage. Cory's very excited for it!

Okay, better go comb someone's hair, maybe even my own!

If you lose weight, but then gain some back

2007-12-13T05:10:00.000-08:00

Due to coming off of meds, and then lose what you gained from quitting the meds, do you get to count the extra?

I was down 35 pounds and then came off my blood pressure meds, which caused me to gain 5 pounds (one of the pills was a water pill, so doh, yeah, I gained that water weight back). This took my net loss to 30 pounds. I've since worked off nearly all of those 5 pounds I gained from the meds, making my total loss 40 pounds but my net loss 35 pounds.

So, how much weight have I lost?

Oh, and I never got to go out and finish the driveway. It started to rain freezing rain and then I had to leave and by the time I got home I only had time to wrap gifts before the kids got home, so I skipped the drive.

So what if everyone thinks we're slobs, huh?

Wet snow is heavy

2007-12-12T05:15:00.000-08:00

I admit it, I like to see my driveway perfectly cleared off.

Some sort of cleaning issue I have, I guess. If there's snow on the driveway, then the inside of the house isn't clean. Blah blah blah. Weird, untrue, insane even maybe, but I can't help thinking when you have a snow covered driveway that you look like lazy people.

So, we got 2" last night. And it's warm this morning, like nearly 40 or so (just checked accuweather to be sure before I posted this), so after the busses left, I went and grabbed the ergonomic snow shovel my sweet husband bought me this year.

F.O.R.G.E.T I.T.

Crap, it's heavy. Seriously heavy snow. I mean like my arms and back are killing me and all I did was the walk and maybe 10' of the drive. F.O.R.G.E.T I.T. We are slobs, people. I am not shoveling that. Too bad. I know it's going to be down to like 8 degrees tonight, and it's going to freeze over and be hell, but it's too damn heavy. If I finished the entire drive, I'd never have the energy to go to Jazzercise, and that just would not work for me at all.

So, go on, drive by my house, see the snow covered drive and assume we're slobs. For the record, we kind of are anyway, so it's liberating to think I'm portraying myself more true, huh?

Yeah, liberating. A snow covered drive is liberating, right?

How many people that read this realize I'll go back out and finish it or I'll never go to sleep tonight????

Is it that time already?

2007-12-11T03:39:00.000-08:00

Bruno said he thinks it's time we start thinking about a new van for me.

Ranked in order of least favorite first:

Shopping for a new car

Dental appt.

GYN annual visit

Cleaning toilets

Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but seriously, I hate shopping for a new car. I only have 55k miles on my van, it's paid for, it works well, why are we talking about a new one?

Is it a deep need to resist change? Is that my problem? Or do I just hate oily car salesmen? Alright, I admit it. I think test drives are like that eye test you do. Which is better, A or B? Well, I have no idea by the time I get to B. Is A better? Hmmm, I liked the color better, the interior was nicer, but the ride? No idea. And you never test drive a car on a snow covered hill like the one I live on, so how do you really know how well it will do in the winter anyway? What I REALLY need is to test drive with all the kids in their seats to see how well you can feel being kicked for an hour's long drive from the backseat. If the driver's seat can withstand the stength and endurance of a 6 year old athlete, then maybe we have a winner.

All I really want in a new van is the side windows to roll up and down, and the stow & go seats. Taking the seats out of my van isn't hard, but those suckers are heavy, and trying to do it while 3 kids are running in and out of your legs is dangerous. And the only reason I want the side windows to roll up and down is I'm sick of hearing "why can't you roll down my window mom???"

Now, if they made a mini van with that sound shield thing like they have in limo's, I wouldn't hesitate.

The 2007 Gingerbread house creation

2007-12-01T14:30:00.000-08:00

As you can see, the whole family had a blast. Darby too! It was such a great night. James couldn't understand why he couldn't eat it all right then and there, but we saved out some gingerbread men for dessert that night, so he was okay. I think he ate more frosting than we put on the house!

It was a really great night!

Cereal---OMG

2007-11-17T05:38:00.000-08:00

I haven't had a bowl of cereal in I have no idea how long.

My serious weight loss journey started back in June. Since then, I've been trying to do the low-no-carb thing. Cereal isn't easy to find.

Today, after a grueling full week's workout without a day off (although I have to miss today and I'm soooo bummed) I decided to have a bowl of Raisin bran.

It was heaven.

10 min update...

2007-11-16T05:31:00.000-08:00

Wow, first snowfall of the season and I'm all melancholy already. Better start snapping to, huh!?!

Okay, Bruno's out of town (again, yes again) and we're home getting along pretty well.

James has had a banner week. Seriously, this has been the best week in a very long time. He's trying, but maybe not trying so hard, so things are so much easier. I'm so relieved, these glimpses into him are so rare right now, and so precious. He's such a fun cool kid when he's relaxed. Still way too much of "I have to have whatever everyone else has" kind of attitude, which is really not winning him any friends anywhere (found out yesterday he's always picked last in class...oh, that just broke my heart) but when he can let the rest of life exist without him needing to be involved, govern it, whatever, he has a lot of fun and is soooo fun to be around.

Cory has just grown so much lately. He's such a teacher. He's always helping either James or Darby. I'm worried for him, worried he won't take the time to smell the roses. I can't let him never have his own, you know?

Darby is doing fantastic. More and more vocalizations, she sings to me at night at bedtime, she's so responsive lately, eye contact, participating in family life, wow. Just so great.

I really need all this to help bring me out of the funk that surrounds me about Kris. I can't understand why it's taking such a toll on me this year. Finding myself in a daze more often than not. Going through pictures, staring into space reliving memories, crying in the shower alot. I am proud to say I am keeping this away from the kids. And Bruno's away so it's not around him. The only person I feel lately like I can talk to is my ex, her dad. He seems to be in the same funk as well. 3 years. At least I'm comfortable this isn't some weird depression or something, I mean, what would be the odds of both him & I having the same thing at the same mile-marker, right?

I'm pretty sure it's the realization that the kids will never have a memory of her. Cory can't remember his teachers from Heartworks anymore, and that was less than 6 months ago. Kris has been gone 3 years. Doug (my ex) has a 13 year old son (so he was 10 when Kris died). I was 10 when my mom died, and I know how hard I have to think to remember her eyes, and I lived with her full time. Kristen's brother probably has no real memories at all anymore. There's very few safe places for me to go to talk about her. My ex MIL is one. She's as patient as the day is long, and so empathetic. I use her as a crutch though, and then feel bad that I do.

Okay, time for me to cheer the hell up, right?

Off to Jazzercise. Today I start working with a personal trainer afterward. Let's see if I can walk when it's all said & done. Wish me luck. Thank the stars for Jazzercise. I can't be sad when I'm sweating and grunting and concentrating so hard on making my feet do whatever they're supposed to be doing. It's the most positive distraction I can imagine.

*sigh* Wish my man were around right now. I can think of other things I could do for distraction purposes.

Been Away

2007-11-11T05:41:00.000-08:00

I went to Scottsdale to spend the week at the cemetery. Wednesday marked 3 years since she died. I saw my sister, her new guy (very nice, finally she's with someone worthy of her), my brother and his GF (don't like her one bit, sorry) and my nephew.

It was in the 90's (far cry from the 40 degree weather here) and I watched the sunrise at the cemetery a few times. Spent time at the pool, and tried to just be the ocean (like LJ tells me to). I realized a few things.

1. 3 years is a strange time. It's a long time and a short time.

2. I hate being the ocean. I want to be the storm. I want to rage and force my will on the world and bring about change.

3. I miss her just as much today as I did the day she died.

4. It hurts just as much today as it did then, I just have a handle on it.

Today is the 3 year anniversary from the day I buried her. I say I, but it was really we. Bruno was not with me, he had to take care of Cory & Darby, so had already left. In some ways I'm glad he didn't see me like that, but wow, I know how desperately I wanted him at my side. I stood at the cemetery, one hand in Doug's (her dad) one hand in Kasey's (her husband) and felt my heart shatter. Over and over. Like it was a broken record or stuck in a loop.

I'll never forget the relief (and this is just stupid) at seeing they had her head in the right place. I knew they did by the tear stains on her casket from where I had cried the day I finally got to see her. Isn't that just dumb? What difference does it make, really? Why should I pay attention to that?

Everyone tried to hustle me off the grounds before she was lowered into the ground, but I waited to see it. I had to watch, as morbid as that may sound. I couldn't leave her unfinished, does that make the least bit of sense? This is the last thing (things) I can do for her. Bury her properly, tend her grave, and carry a bit of her with me for all time. I couldn't not be sure it had been done right.

Wednesday was horrible, and if Darby hadn't sung to me on the phone, I'm not sure I would have found any reason to smile all day. I stayed in the pool alot that day, because you can't see tears with pool water on your face, and I knew if I stayed in my hotel I would have just wallowed even worse. The dead leave us no choice but to find a way to live without them.

I suppose I can do that, but fuck it all, I hate it with all my being.

My hockey kid

2007-11-04T07:52:00.000-08:00

Cory at hockey. We got the jersey at the end of practice, and then the did pictures.

Oh, and it's my fault his jersey is so big. I picked it. It's #3. That was Kristen's number in Softball. I know the jersey is huge, and they had smaller ones, but I figured, well I figured we could just roll up the sleeves, you know?

Well, the week ended better

2007-10-27T04:07:00.000-07:00

Wow, what a crappy week. Seriously.

Too many petty little things went wrong, and stacked on top of each other they were just about enough to make me pull my hair out.

Bruno was out of town.
James broke both pairs of his glasses.
The dog got into the trash too many times to count.
I decided to teach my cat (who craps in the sink) a lesson and caught him in the act. Brilliant thinking on my part made me rub his nose in it. Only to find it was all liquid and I had just smeared him full of it. So, the next 2 hours were spent cleaning cat diarrhea off every surface of my house.
Busses were late.
Someone *ahem* wet the bed twice, managing to pee past their pullup.
I forgot to tell the after school program James had an eye appt, assuming school would tell them since I took James out of school early for it. Nope, and the cavalry was called out and ~8 people were to the point of calling the police (I wasn't picking up my cell because we were in the Dr's chair).
Thursday was picture re-take day so I went to school to see if I could help get Darby to look at the camera. They did the retakes on the stage of the gym, w/a PE class going full force. Darby couldn't focus in all that noise, so the para-educator asked the PE teacher to make his class quiet down and wait. So, while a whole slew of 2nd graders listened in, I made the stupidest noises you can imagine (tongue out, shaking my face kind of noise) to get Darby to look. She finally did, and gave us a 'Mona Lisa' half-smile and I called it quits. The 2nd graders burst into giggles and I left school as quickly as I could.

Everything from running out of stamps to needing to make Cory's lunch and finding the bread completely green happened this week.

Then...

*drum roll*

Friday, things picked up.

Bruno came home.
A friend I'd been worried about checked in and they are well. I'm still beyond annoyed, but happy they are okay.
Lenscrafters (after seriously chafing my backside w/lousy customer service) came through and James now has 2 pairs of glasses and I got a $70 refund
Sold a huge desk out of our garage off of craigslist
Got the wrong pizza when I picked up our order but it was way better than what I ordered.
Made it to Jazz every day this week, even with how crazy it was.
Spent 1.5 hours on the phone with my sister because she's so excited to see me in a week (I go to AZ)

All in all, I'm glad the week is over--and overjoyed it ended on a high note.

No time to really update, but here's a picture

2007-10-23T05:47:00.001-07:00

I have to run to Jazzercise then to work in school the rest of the day...

But, just to document, here's what you look like when you lose both front teeth!

Oh, and Daddy and his kids...

Tooth Fairy

2007-10-08T05:34:00.000-07:00

James lost his "3rd" tooth on Saturday. (his first two teeth were lost right after he got home, and there was no way for him to understand about the tooth fairy then)

The Tooth Fairy felt guilty she hadn't been able to visit for the first lost tooth (or the second) so she left $5. Amazing how James' eyes lit up, even though he doesn't understand really what money is at this point.

This morning, his other top tooth came out. These were both badly discolored and kind of malformed. -I have no other way to describe it-

We are very hopeful that his permanent teeth will look healthy. His bottoms came in looking great. No time this morning before school to take a picture, but I'll get one of my toothless boy posted soon!

Need a new license plate

2007-10-02T14:45:00.000-07:00

Any ideas? My current one refers to my twins, which is kind of exclusive of James, so doesn't work.

I'm considering a few, but would like input.

So, feel free to submit your favs and I will see if they are available.

Injury

2007-10-01T04:17:00.000-07:00

I was at Jazzercise Sunday morning. That particular class is a step class.

While I love the workout in my calves of a step class, this particular instructor likes to turn the steps vertical. I hate that, as I'm always afraid that my complete and total lack of grace will mean I will fall off.

Well, I fell off.

I'm going to the doctor this morning. I'm sure it's just a sprain, but my foot is basically un-usable at this point. Painful, bruised, and of course, it is my right (driving) foot.

So, no more step classes for me.

Annual Autism Walk

2007-10-01T04:08:00.000-07:00

Saturday the 29th was our annual Autism Walk.

Bruno had gotten home from travel the night before, and I don't think Darby wanted to share him with so many people, so he ended up taking her home and hanging out 1:1 with her. Cory was at a soccer game, so it was me & James walking for Autism Awareness.

Here's me & my guy...

Pirate Quiz

2007-09-24T03:18:00.000-07:00

To be my friend, you must score at least 8/10.

Good luck...

http://encarta.msn.com/quiz_254/pirate_quiz.html?GT1=10393

For the record, my score:

Pirates Quiz
Ahoy!
You got 10/10 correct

Darby

2007-09-18T11:42:00.000-07:00

Today, Darby got off her bus, walked down the hallway all the way to her classroom (the very furthest from the bus as possible in the building), hung up her backpack in her cubby, placed her lunchbox in the lunch area, unzipped, removed & hung up her coat, and then went to free play and chose an appropriate activity.

All without any adult cues, interventions or re-directs.

100% on her own.

Labor Day weekend

2007-09-04T05:00:00.000-07:00

Well, it was a fast weekend.

Bruno drove home early, what a great surprise. He was home for dinner, and the kids we so happy to see him. (As was I!)

Saturday and Sunday were spent getting the house back in order, doing some projects. Our computer desk literally fell apart while he was gone, so he stopped in NH and found one he liked, took a day to put it together, it's huge. Then we hd to do the standard "argue about how the room should be laid out" thing, then we finally got it all done Sunday night.

Monday we spent at the beach.

Monday night, tired and worn out from the beach, I went to pop my iPod into my iHome in the kitchen so I could listen as I made dinner, and my iPod just died. A complete and total death. We spent ~3 hours troubleshooting it, and finally realized the hard drive was toast. It's 1 month from being out of warranty, so we are shipping it back and having them repair/replace. We have to pay shipping, so it looks like it's just a $30 cost. That's better than $300 to replace. But ow, to have to go a week or two without it. And to top it off, Bruno bought me a TomTom GPS so that I could play my iPod through the TomTom and now my iPod is dead. Fate, you are a cruel mistress at times.

Bruno got to see the kids get off this morning. Darby must have known something was up, as she wouldn't let Bruno put her down and hung on for dear life until her bus pulled up. He flies out this morning and isn't back until very late Saturday night. So, another week of single-mom'ing it.

I miss him already.

Off to Jazzercise (good grief, I love Jazzercise) and then to my governor's autism plan sub-committee meeting.

First day of school pictures

2007-08-30T17:28:00.001-07:00

Here they are:

Technically, this was Darby's 2nd day. If you are really paying attention, you'll see she's in a different outfit in the last one, that's because that was from yesterday, her official first full day.

While Cory was nervous getting on the bus this morning, he claimed it was the greatest thing. His driver was a substitute driver for Darby last year, and is the most upbeat smiling guy you've ever met. Cory had a great day, and can't wait for the bus tomorrow.

James had a super day too, got an excellent report from the bus aide. I will be at school tomorrow, meeting with his team, so I'm sure I'll find out how he did from them.

Darby got a "special listener" award today. Wow!

Anyway, seems mom was the only one that was sad...which is great!

Much more painful than I thought

2007-08-30T04:55:00.000-07:00

Two major life happenings happened this week.

Both seem to have hit me harder than I expected.

Sunday morning I woke up in the hotel in Maine, from a very vivid dream. Bruno & I had decided to do another round of IVF. We'd had egg retrieval, etc., and I was on the table awaiting transfer. The doctor started the transfer and then I yelled out, "no, wait, I've had an ablation, I'm not supposed to get pregnant anymore". When I woke up is when it hit me, I can't have any more babies. (I had an endometrial ablation earlier this month due to incredibly heavy long periods)

Don't get me wrong, I'm done family building. We're blessed. I'm done. Even if I wanted more children, we'd go back to Russia I'm sure. But it took until Sunday for my mind to get wrapped around the fact I can't have more children.

Today, all three kids are in full-day Kindergarten. And I cried as Cory blew kisses to me from the bus as it pulled away. I don't know, he just seemed to alone. James & Darby ride a different bus, one with an aide, and it came through about 1 minute before Cory's. Just before the busses came, Cory admitted to me he was nervous about the bus. Not school, just the bus. And then when it arrived, he jumped on turned & waved, then went to a seat and started blowing me kisses.

Why does your heart hurt at times like these?

I mean, let's face it. I can finally go to the bathroom alone. That is a wonderful thing that people all over take for granted. I can go to the grocery store without anyone whining about anything. I can put on my iPod and rock around the house for hours.

All of that is great, right? However...this week it finally sunk in I can't have more babies, and I put my last baby on a bus for school.

Semi-first day of school update

2007-08-29T15:37:00.000-07:00

Well, Darby went full day today, James & Cory for an hour (Darby's on a different schedule due to a K-transition plan).

Darby was so jazzed to go to school today. She totally knew it was a school day, she was ready to go early, and wanted to wait outside. So, we did. Took a million pictures (only Bruno knows the down-load secrets, sorry) and she was on the bus and gone.

At 10:30, both boys had their 1-hour K mtg with their teachers. Of course, I had to be in 2 places at once. Thankfully, James' para-educator was with him, so I could be with Cory. We left Cory's a little early to go see James, and *sigh*, he was being the most mis-behaved boy I've ever seen. His para-educator is the same as last year, so I was hoping for more, but obviously, he's decided she's no longer an authority figure so he was walking all over her. When I got there, they were in circle for a story. James was basically dancing around, talking out of turn, yelling, you name it. I went up to him, put my arm on his shoulder and spoke into his ear "sit respectfully and quietly" and he was settled immediately. I took his para aside and gave her some pointers, explained how serious and defined his boundaries need to be, really gave her permission to keep him on the straight and narrow, basically. I bet in 1 week he really gets the idea.

(but, in one week everything changes, read on for more)

Then took the boys to Sandbar park. Wow, this is Vermont's best park ever. Pristine beach, basically zero entry into Lake Champlain. Gorgeous. Had a picnic lunch and the boys played for a while, kind of a farewell to summer.

Then off to the eye Dr., where James was pronounced as to be "making progress". The Dr. believes his sight is better, and wants to patch more. However, when he's patched, he's legally blind. And he has to be patched at school. So, we are now on an IEP. Our first meeting will be Friday.

Anyway, since I started this much time has passed, and I have loads and loads of "1st day of Kindergarten" paperwork to do.

Oh, and here's a great one to pass along.

In Cory's class, the teacher gives out envelopes for pre-buying lunches and milk. I fill out one for James & one for Cory. I write out the checks, seal the envelopes. Then, during the informative session (where we sit politely while the new teacher talks), she explains the envelopes and off-handily mentions the prices are wrong on the outside, all the costs have gone up. *sigh* So, I did mine wrong, as I followed the prices on the envelope. Later, I'm at the eye Dr., paying the co-pay and I casually mention, "yes, I have my checkbook, I know that because I just wrote two bad checks". I was MORTIFIED and had to go into an hour long explanation so that she wouldn't think I wrote "bad" checks.

Jeez, I'm overtired, eh? I can't believe tomorrow is child-free for 7.5 hours. I will go to Jazzercise and to the grocery store....and I guess I'll clean the house????

Hello Blog, did you miss me?

2007-08-26T05:21:00.001-07:00

Wow, it's been a month (just about). So much has been going on.

Currently we're all in Maine, on a mini-vacation. Bruno had to come here for 2 weeks, and is in a very nice Marriott, so since schools and camps are over, we decided to drive over for a long weekend.

So far, we've been lost at least 8 times, but we've also had a blast. Everyone loved the Portland Children's Museum, and yesterday we spent at Funtown/Splashtown riding rollercoasters and water slides. I didn't take the camera, and I'm sorry for the lost photo ops. James & Cory rode a mini-gravity drop thing and their screams were absolutely hilarious.

Darby enjoyed the pools and the sprays and hung onto Bruno to the point where you just didn't know where she ended and he began. She really misses her daddy when he's gone, that's for sure.

Okay, let's update from the past month to present.

Darby's school was over on the 10th, (James camp was over on the 3rd) and so we skipped a few days of Cory's camp and drove to Philly to our friends' house. This is the trip that restores my soul. Every year our good friends put on a party and this year was the first time the whole family was able to go. There was a celebration for all the new Americans (we had 4 total, including James) and just good times for everyone. --Pictures to follow, they aren't here on the laptop, I'll upload them at home--

So, after Philly, we drove over to Delaware to visit the in-laws. My poor sister in law's septic tank overflowed due to a weird filter issue in her leach line. So, we left first thing the next morning, which was fine, as the drive home was brutal w/3 kids. --Again, pictures to follow, I have some nice ones of 3 generations--

So, we got home, Cory finished out his camp, Darby started an easy-breezy transition into Kindergarten. While she's been going to this school for 3 years, Kindergarten is in a completely different area, utiziling all different rooms and such, and she has all new teachers and a new para-educator (whom I love already). So, this is all very hard for her, to go to the same building, but not the same places. Her playground is even different.

I'm very excited for school. Yes, for the obvious, that I need a 2 minute bathroom break without a child in tow, but also for the milestones that it represents. I know that this minute I'm feeling like this, and it will change come Thursday morning when the buses arrive, but the point is, you have kids to show them the world. And their world will open 2-fold on Thursday, especially James. Sure, he went to a mini-Kindergarten last year, but he hardly remembers any of it. Now, he's going to Kindergarten like his brother and sister, riding a bus, going all day long...not a modified schedule at a different school. This is full-fledge 100% regular stuff. Nothing special because he's just learned English.

And Darby...wow...who'd have thunk it? She still is non-speaking, but she's so interested in her world now, so much more interactive, so close to just bursting out in language. I remember putting her on the bus, her screaming, thinking to myself how evil and awful I was (2.5 years ago) to make my poor defenseless girl do this, and now, now she runs for the bus and she adores her new para (did I mention I love her?) She's writing her name and humming along to songs. She's nearly toilet-independent and she's running everywhere. Not to mention she is the most beautiful girl in the world (ha! I'm a mom, my kids are the best looking in the world you know).

Then Cory. This is the kid that will teach his teachers a thing or two, and hopefully about loving learning, and how to find fun in the most mundane of things. He's an amazing kid, and to tell the truth, he's 70% of the reason James sounds and looks like he's been here all his life. Cory has instinctively taken the role of teacher with his brother, and the hardest thing now is to make sure he has enough of his own fun in things. I am separating all three kids in Kindergarten, to give them all the chance to make their own friends.

Okay, I have to get moving. Bruno's really wanting to take a shower, and Darby is just not leaving him alone. She is such a daddy's girl...but that's okay, I love watching it.

So, short story is, we're all fine, just finding that summer time is not a lazy time.

Oh, and note to any gadget lovers out there. Once you become dependent upon a GPS, accept it, and stop thinking you can find your way across New England without one. It's futile. You forget how to hold directions in your head and you wait for that sweet voice to tell you what lane to be in. When you don't hear it, you panic. So, today, our last day in Maine before we head home tomorrow morning, we're going to the mall to purchase a 2nd GPS, one that is really mine. Bruno's buying it for himself for his birthday, and immediately giving it to me so he can have his old one back. (actually, he bought one already, but I want the one with the blue-tooth interface for my phone, so this one is going back and I'm getting the 'even better' one).

Okay, onward we go! Today is the mall, LL Bean's flagship store, and the pool. Thank the stars the hotel is free this weekend (thanks to Bruno's company) and there's a small per-diem we can take advantage of, as this is one helluva expensive weekend. Did I mention there's a Coach store in the mall? And they have the wallet that matches my purse? Hmmm???

James is starting to relax a little

2007-08-03T13:15:00.000-07:00

And life is getting better.

He still wants to be involved in absolutely everything, and he has a hard time defining his role (of a kid) in the family unit, but he's starting to relax, and so am I.

He's a great kid, and when he relaxes he can be a lot of fun to be around.

Harry Potter, spoilers...

2007-07-24T15:37:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm relieved it's over. I loved the first 3 books, thought it was interesting, new, fun, entertaining, blah blah blah.

Then it got harder and harder to stay interested in the characters. They grew older but somehow lost their uniqueness. I am relieved the series is over.

Yes, I bought the book, read it immediately, and am satisified with how she ended it. (Well, what else would I be? It's her story to do with as she pleases!). I hated how she killed off so many, thought her choices were pretty much predictable in how she ended it, and felt like the fight scenes just went on forever-much like installments 2&3 of Lord of the Rings fight scenes were never-ending. I hated how Dobby died, and frankly, I could have lived happily ever after thinking Snape was evil all along. Draco was, as I predicted, a spineless rat, and Narcissa showed guts by being a mom before a death-eater and I thought that was cool. Loved how Molly blasted Bellatrix to bits, too, that was a nice touch. But seriously, why take George's ear and Fred's life? Fred? Percy should have been the Weasley to bite it, if you ask me...Neville becoming a leader and subsequently a professor was nice, and I love how Trelawney chucked crystal balls at the death eaters.

I have found many people around me that just wanted to know how it ended without reading, so have obliged them my knowledge...LOL.

To be honest though...I think it was time for it to be over. JK is a bit of a herione, and I'm very pleased a common "mom" made such a fortune and a following. WTG Ms. Rowling, and my best wishes for you to enjoy some free time.

Now, what am I going to read next? Good thing fluff reading only happens 1/year anymore, or I'd be stressing over this decision.

Harry Potter book 7 (no spoilers!)

2007-07-22T05:14:00.000-07:00

No spoilers because my book was lost!

Seems in my area, UPS was contracted to pick up the books and deliver them to the USPS center. My book was not delivered yesterday. Amazon.com really was very nice, but gave me the brush off claiming it was probably delivered to one of my neighbors. Not likely, I know my mailman well, he adores my dogs.

Finally Amazon has agreed to refund my purchase price, but now I have to brave the world and go buy a book at full price.

Ick. I'm so annoyed. Doubt I'll be using Amazon for a long time.

Things falling into place

2007-07-21T04:01:00.000-07:00

I guess sometimes we all just get a little wrapped up in ourselves. Feeling like we're taken for granted, ignored, whatever. And maybe we are.

But the point is, you decide who (and how) you love and who you are (and how you'll be loved). No one else does that. Each one of us has the power to dictate how others will treat us and perceive us. And if we don't like it, we can sometimes force a change.

For the record, I'm not into change. I feel like my world has never been on an even keel. I want stability and predictability and I want to plan my spontaneity. Change and growth are two completely different things. I see growth as taking what you have and improving it. I see change as removing what you have and placing something new there.

Sometimes it seems my life is like that little rack of steel balls that are suspended on strings. You pull one away and let it go, and the one on the opposite end flies up and then down, and so on. I hate that. I want more control. I want to be the one to determine what reaction will follow what action, I don't want it to be so rote and programmed (ha!, I just said I want predictability though!). Maybe what I want is to be the one holding that rack of balls, and not allowing anyone else to choose how many to hold up and let swing? But then I think...life would be so boring always knowing what was coming.

Obviously I need more coffee and I need my HP book to show up. For the record, I'm tired of the story, it got old during Goblet of Fire, but I would like to find out how she finishes it.

Oh, and I just found out that 2 years ago another novel was published in a series I loved. So cool, I just ordered it off half.com and I'm sure that when I'm fed up with HP and chuck it across the room because I can't stand the way it ended and I'd wished I'd never bothered to find out, I'll have this series to catch up on! Sometimes it's just so nice to have a non-autism or a non-adoption or a non-parenting book to read...fluff reading shouldn't just be that 20 seconds while you sit on the john...it should last for hours with the clang/clang of Zelda steel in the background (Bruno plays Zeldo on the Wii).

Oh, and the Wii...I had to run out and buy another one for my SIL. Seems she can't find them where she lives. And yet again, I simply walk in the store and find them on the shelf. Go figure. I should have started selling them on ebay or something.

2007 Autism Support Daily Picnic

2007-07-15T18:43:00.000-07:00

What a day!

My kids are gorgeous, ya know?

GPS

2007-07-13T04:35:00.000-07:00

Okay, yesterday is finally over.

Trying to get back to our reguarly scheduled program:

GPS usage, overusage or blatant proof you still ignore it? You decide.

In the store, Cory in the seat of the cart. Pushing past the aisles. Cory says "Turn right in 8 feet" and I pass the aisle as we don't need anything down it. As I pass it Cory says (and I totally cracked up) "Recaculating!"

So, I obviously believe I know better routes than the GPS does, eh?

1 hour away from 23 years.

2007-07-11T19:35:00.000-07:00

We were on our way to the hospital.

There was a horrible storm. Trees down. Felt like we were driving through a hurricane.

A short while later you were here.

Miss you baby. Miss you more than there are words.

Many things have changed since you died. The world is different, our lives are different. The only thing the same is the hole that was created when you left. It's still got ragged edges, it still feels like it was yesterday, and it still is filled with tears.

What I wouldn't do to hear you laugh just once more.

I know now there is no pain, and that you are now something so wondrous I can't quite imagine the joy and happiness you are a part of.

Some days are still very hard to manage without you. Some days are okay.

You have a new brother. He is a lot like you. I think you would have been very close. It breaks my heart into smaller pieces to think he'll never know you. He'll only get our memories.

You are so very deeply missed...my pumpkin, my fuss-bucket, my princess.

Happy Birthday baby.

Where to start?

2007-07-10T15:21:00.001-07:00

Wow, what a day.

I mean it. I am sitting here trying to recapture everything in my head so I can post it here, and it's just so much, so jumbled. I'm obviously getting old.

Okay, let's see. Kids up, Cory to his Camp. Then Darby to school. So, breakfast, dressed, bathroom, teeth, you name it, all within an hour. It's just mind-numbing to say over and over and over "shoes, shoes, shoes, I said get your shoes on, shoes..."

*whew* out the door, and on our way. Darby refused to walk (she wasn't feeling so great, but perked up at school) so I had to carry her. Of course the close parking spaces are gone, and Cory's program is as far in the building as possible. The marks from her shoes digging into my arm didn't go away for over an hour. But, we got him off.

Then Darby to school. I love her para-educator. She's fabulous. Annie meets me in the parking lot so I don't have to tote James all the way in. We come home, James works on a puzzle, then we play some games. Time to get James to his follow up at the ophthalmologist.

She wants him to stay patched, thinks his muscles are improving. Gives me a huge pep talk to keep me in the game. This is really hard...he's so blind. I hate that I have to make him blind every day, you know? We decide to really lay it on in the summer as we cannot patch him at school, with the patch on he truly is legally blind, and she said that would just make him ostracized. His behaviors are behind already, we don't need to handicap him anymore. So, we're working it. James tried to act up, but pulled himself together and we got out of there.

He's been having a hard time with Cory gone in the morning. His new-found routine is off, and it's showing. But...we had a big talk before his ESL camp today, and he got the GREATEST report ever. He managed to sit still for an hour for story-time at the library. That is simply amazing! He is such a cool kid, he just needs to relax.

(side note, tomorrow I see our attachment therapist for the first time. I am so jazzed to have her on board with us, she's highly recommended)

Then I run to the Gynie. Well, that sucked. While I've lost weight and my blood pressure was a seriously cool 134/90, she didn't like a few things and I have to go in for some tests and U/S. She told me this and then looked at me (I think this is funny) and said "um, you aren't worried at all?" I said "nope, I just hate figuring out how to schedule all this". She laughed. She doesn't really think anything major is wrong, she thinks it's fairly minor, but she wants to rule out the big stuff (which will in turn confirm the little stuff). I'm pretty sure it's the little thing too, so no biggie, a small procedure and we'll be done with that.

Then ran to the mall to redeem Kristen's free panty coupon. Crap, if they are going to send this to me and make me cry, I'm going to get some free underwear out of it. Totally racy little black lace thing. I have nothing to wear it with, but it will be fun shopping.

So, look at my watch, hightail it to the car. Stupid traffic, I barely make it to pick up Cory on time, Bruno had to run after James because I was late. I mean, we live in the middle of "Nowhere, New England" and it takes me 20 min to get home from the mall? Insane.

And, of course, it's soccer night. Not a damn thing for dinner. Mc'd's. Ick. However, their Ceasar Salad is getting better or my tastes are getting worse.

Then...of course, little Miss Poop-Queen popped one out in the tub for me. I do NOT have enough to do, eh? But...she's cute.

So, here we are. Boys are at soccer, Darby's checking out the Wiggles, and I'm trying to decide if sanity can be found in a half-a-cup of coffee at 6:30pm. Nope...not there either.

Tali...

2007-07-09T17:55:00.000-07:00

My dog.

What a strange twist. Today we had several thunderstorms. They were/are right on top of us. (one as I type). Huge bolts of lightening, deafening claps of thunder. The floor shakes under your feet the storm is so large and so close.

Tali, my sweet dog, who has dried oceans of my tears, is afraid of the storm. She has crammed her huge bulk next to me all day, regardless of where I have had to be. This dog, this mountain of a dog, weighing in at well over 130 pounds, has sandwiched her body in the smallest places to simply derive comfort from my touch during her fright.

How thankful I am that I can give her some of what she has given me all this time.

My sweet girl...my sweet Tali, you are love defined.

Sauce...

2007-07-08T17:49:00.000-07:00

Strange, how sauce can take over your day.

You brave Costco for the ingredients, and of course, you forget something.
You come home, chop, sautee, simmer, stir, taste, taste again, and finally let it rest a while.
Your house fills with the smell of sauce.
Your children either love or hate it.

Then you sit up half the night waiting for it to cool enough to be put in the fridge so tomorrow you can curse it as you try to bag it for the freezer.

Sauce...
Why did I have to marry an Italian?

Soccer

2007-07-07T13:47:00.000-07:00

Cory on top, James on the bottom. Just felt like posting some pictures, don't have anything worthy to blog about.

Still looking for my good disposition. I know I left it around here somewhere.

The "hug"

2007-07-05T12:56:00.000-07:00

Bruno came home from work with a "loaner" set of contacts from my optometrist, and we walked out to the garden. Chatted a while, told him that Victoria's Secrets still has Kristen on their mailing list, and sent her a gift card for a free pair of panties as a birthday gift, which just totally sparked me off.

So, he bends down to hug me. Feels good, you know, one of those full-body let yourself melt into me hugs, his clothes smell great because I'm the laundry-queen and use Downy like it's going out of style. The only drawback to this at all is all these damn midge-fly things in the air.

He's holding me, I'm letting go a little and then, oh, gawd, he farmer blows a bug out of his nose down my back. Ewwwww

What a waste of a really sweet romantic moment that was doing wonders for my soul.

Ah, hell, story of my life, ya know?

Sometimes there's a reason

2007-07-05T12:04:00.000-07:00

And sometimes there isn't. I hate it when friends start things they aren't willing to finish. Okay, catty nasty comments are done. I will rise above this, like a f'ing duck on top of the water, and I will survive, I will be okay, I will be better for all the experiences. Oh, gawd, I sound like a cheerleader. I hate cheerleaders. They're so perky.

All I know, is when I'm hurting hard, I just want to be left alone. I think withdrawal is some kind of shock or grieving tactic. Isolation...an attempt to come to terms with the recent events, slow-even breathing...that kind of thing. I guess I need time to sit back and really go over things in my head, figure it out from various points of view. Salvage what little pride is left, figure out how to hold your head up again, and find the courage to look the world in the eye.

Kristen's birthday is exactly 1 week away, and the world seems to just tumble down around me. Even the mailman is no longer my friend. AND, damnit, I dropped my last contact down the sink when I was trying to clean it because it was so calcium coated from tears.

I should note that in the midst of all this, I'm down 2 sizes, working hard, and actually enjoying it when the sweat rolls off my neck. Amazing how much it hurts when you get to that point, you know...the one where you just aren't sure you can put your foot down again, where you just want the pain to end and to be able to breathe in without it hurting in your soul. You know, in the past 2.5 years, I've often wondered at the stamina of the human brain and its ability to deal with heartbreak. My father once said it was something like a never-ending bucket. The pain builds, but the damn bucket just gets bigger and bigger around it. My father was an amazing man.

Oh, and my tits look fabulous.

Independence Day

2007-07-04T10:12:00.000-07:00

70 degrees, rain expected tonight. Been cold and windy alot.

We did not go to the week-long condo we had. Just too many changes for both James and Darby in my opinion. The logistics to get out of town are also a minus, dog sitter, etc. My reliable person is away for the summer, and while we have others, it just isn't the same level of comfort, you know? My dogs are my babies too.

Basketball has become a new love for Cory. James is having a hard time with it, the coordination needed for seeing the ball (he has zero depth perception) as well as using your hands to dribble is just too much for him. So, we're running silly little soccer drills in the front yard. Back yard is dog-pooh zone, so not worth it to me to clean up constantly.

A full harvest today of snow peas from the garden. Hundreds of tomatoes, but none ripening yet, so hoping it happens before the bushes break from the weight. Think I'm going to go pull some off, I have to do it when James isn't looking though, he's got those tomatoes dancing in his dreams. He will eat anything if there's a tomato on it.

Well, I started this early this morning, and it's 4:30pm now. I'm not getting anywhere with it, nothing exciting to say, so I'll close it off and hope something cool happens in my life tomorrow worth blogging over.

Oh! Rented Ghost Rider last night in the red-box thing in the store. What a waste of a dollar. Geez, the only redeeming feature of that movie at all was how skinny Nick Cage got. He's so totally hunky....

Thongs

2007-07-02T15:32:00.001-07:00

I think I like them.

Kramer, part 70396

2007-07-01T05:30:00.000-07:00

You know how sometimes you sit back and realize you've been incredibly shallow and have treated the world in a "me, me, me" fashion?

Well, Kramer embodies that type of outlook/behavior.

Darby up loads last night, worst night we've had in a very long time. At some point, I got very hot and shucked off my nightgown. 8am the boys are up. I make Bruno run interference so I can climb out of bed without getting caught in my jay-bird fashion. Bruno takes the boys with him to let the dogs out downstairs. The cat comes up. He's locked downstairs at night because otherwise he waits until ~1am and then pounces on the sleeping dogs, waking them and the entire house with their yelps.

Anyway, Kramer is up the stairs in a flash, bitching at me. There is no other word for how he enters the bedroom. Rarrrrrrrrrrr!!!! Raaaaaarrrrrrrr!!!!!! You'd think his feet were on fire. He climbs up and immediately stands on my bladder, and then begins his nest making. You know, the up and down of the feet. Kramer is a huge Maine Coon, he weighs at least 10 pounds. He's on my bladder, kneading with his feet, exerting at least 10 pounds of pressure. I'm in agony. (but too lazy to move).

Then, as soon as it begins, it's over. He plops all 10 pounds down solidly on, yes....my bladder.

However, he immediately notices he cannot reach up my nostril with the side of his face. (His absolute favorite thing to do). So, he sidles up a bit (off my bladder, yippee!!!) and sits there purring and puffing into my nose. I think this deranged animal is in love with the horrid scent of my morning breath.

By now, when he's finally quiet, off my bladder and somewhat manageable in his needs, Bruno reenters the room and is beyond annoyed I haven't used the time he's had the boys out of the room to get some clothes on.

However, my torment and torture by this animal is so evident at this point, all it takes is one point and Bruno immediately understands I've been under the Jedi-mind-powers of the smartest animal in the house.

And because his affections for me were noticed in an unfavorable light, Kramer decides the love-fest is over, and leaves. Enabling me to slink off to the bathroom to put some clothes on.

More Cat/iPod items

2007-06-30T15:41:00.000-07:00

Thank you Kramer, for eating the cord to my ear buds.

Just another feather in your evil cap.

However, I am getting Sennheiser buds now. Eat those and there's going to be some serious trouble, mister.

First goal of the season!!!

2007-06-29T03:29:00.000-07:00

For the orange team and it is.....

Cory! Wow, he looks great, doesn't he?

Evil Cat and iPod revelation

2007-06-28T16:11:00.000-07:00

Again, I am just so oblivious. When your ear bud cord pops out, the iPod immediately goes to pause, even if you have the hold button engaged. Again, envision my beating the snot out of the iPod on the counter to gain this knowledge.

And the cat is decidedly evil. Bruno bought me a fake mouse (jeez, this thing looks so real!) and I have to spray it with catnip in order to do laundry. (I fling it after he gets a good wiff) He stands on my folding counter, puts his paws on my chest and just stuffs his face in my face until I pay attention to him.

It's just annoying. I'm sick of cat fur up my nose for clean underwear. I don't think it's worth it.

Landslide

2007-06-27T19:52:00.000-07:00

You know, I loved Fleetwood Mac growing up. I adored the Bella Donna album.

I realized this morning that I totally understand every word of Landslide now. I guess at some point, I grew up.

I took my love,
I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
I saw my reflection in the snow covered hill
still the landslide brought me down
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life
Well, I've been afraid of changing cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too
Oh, take my love, take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well maybe the landslide will bring it down

Did you ever just feel like an idiot?

2007-06-27T04:55:00.001-07:00

And were so very glad no one else was there to witness it?

I thought I drained the iPod, so I tossed it on the iHome thing to charge. Well, I left it there all night, tossed it in my purse. Grabbed it, tried to turn it on at the store. Wouldn't come on. Back in my purse, spent another night on the iHome thing. (I don't know where the car charger is, and I'm not hunting for the stupid USB port on the computer, why aren't they on the monitors for pete's sake, where you don't have to crawl on the floor to find them?-our keyboard is wireless and I looked there, nope). Anyway, this morning, everyone's asleep, I am making coffee, grab the iPod, put in my ear bud, and start to figure out how to turn it on. I usually just leave it on pause so I don't have this problem, but I had drained it, remember?

The stupid hold button has been on for who knows how long. It took me 5 min of darn near slamming this thing on the counter (couldn't, everyone's sleeping) to finally notice the tiny strip of orange showing at the top.

UG!

On to big & better. This picture (and the one above) are from Sunday's nature walk w/dad.

Cory & James are in swimming. James can pretty much swim on his own, but he needs to learn to control himself around the pool. Cory is learning to swim underwater really well, he was always afraid of getting his face wet, but really good goggles has solved that. So, swimming is going, well, swimmingly. James is also in ESL camp, his teacher is going for her masters in ELL (the new way to say ESL), and is young and fresh and has the enthusiasm of a...well, someone young. LOL. Seriously, she only has 5 or 6 kids instead of 10, and she has a helper. I think she's in heaven with this class. She couldn't believe James has only been home 3.5 months. His English is truly unbelievable.

Oh, and the kids started soccer last night. Cory had a certifiable blast. Total and complete new love for him, as I had hoped. James puttered out ~25 min into the hour long practice, but perked way up with the brownie & juice box at the end. He says he wants to go back, but I think I'm going to start him in ballet. He's so into music and movement, and I think it would help him more in the sensory area.

We decided last night to all wait for James at the pool where his class is. (huge park with a rec building divided up for various camps) Darby's aide was going there after therapy with Darby, so she was there, James gets swimming as part of his ESL camp, so Cory & I are walking out the door to go to the pool too. Then at 5, I thought I'd just bring everyone home. Bruno pulled up as we were walking out and decided to join us, so we all went. James was in the pool with his camp, and saw me and smiled (he didn't have his glasses on). I think he just kind of recognized the pattern of my swimsuit. Then he saw Bruno and well, there aren't so many men at the pool, and Bruno's looks are very striking. So, then James realized we were there. He just kind of went nuts! It was very sweet for him to be so happy to see us.

Then I found Darby (big pool) and she jumped into my arms. I started walking into the pool (zero entry side) and she didn't want to be in the pool at all....until she saw Daddy. She launched herself into his arms and spent an hour in the deep end playing games with him.

And of course, Cory was all over the pool, making friends, messing with the different towers and sprayers and such, playing chase games with me...we had a great time.

As we were leaving we found out that 5-6pm is "family swim time" and no un-accompanied kids under 17 can be in the pool, so I think that will be our target swim time. Couldn't do it last night as we had our first night of soccer to get to.

Had Russian crablegs for dinner and frankly, I'll never do that again. Alaskan is the way to go.

Junk Food Quiz

2007-06-19T06:11:00.000-07:00

http://encarta.msn.com/quiz_264/junk_food_quiz.html

I got 6/10 right. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing?

And the fishing report is....

2007-06-17T14:07:00.000-07:00

EXCELLENT.

Early reports are 5 Haddock, 3 Cod, 3 Shark (all Cory's, my son caught sharks!), and a few toss-backs.

Cory got a tad sick from the diesel smoke when the boat started out, but did extremely well once underway.

They went 20 +/- miles off the coast and had a ball. They have a 3+ hour drive home, and are on their way now. Here's hoping they go ahead and stop for lobster too, but I told Bruno not to worry about it if he didn't want to (but I secretly hope he does).

Pictures of the trip to be added when the camera gets home!

Horoscopes

2007-06-16T05:50:00.000-07:00

What a crock.

The astral energy will have you reminiscing all day long over childhood memories, dear Taurus. These memories will take you to the houses and places where you were raised, where your personality and character were formed. So many memories will surface. You should probably seize this opportunity to take a small piece of paper and write them down.

Okay, let's just pretend for a moment that this 'reminder' to remember isn't what sends me down memory lane. The piece at the end, the "small piece of paper" really hurts deeply. Why wouldn't I need a LARGE piece? Hmmm???

This reminds me of Stephanie's crappy fortune after that horrible Chinese dinner.

"Warning, do not eat your fortune".

It was clearly just a warning not to eat the paper inside the cookie, even though she attempted to make it into something more profound.

Conversation with Cory

2007-06-16T05:44:00.000-07:00

I don't want to forget this ever.

So here it is:

Me "We have to do your laundry today so you can pack later for your trip"
Cory "okay"
Me "Will you miss me at all while you're gone?"
Cory "I will miss you 3 times"

Friends...

2007-06-16T04:24:00.000-07:00

An old friend recently re-connected with me. Felt great, you know, how you pick up on a relationship full speed even if you haven't spoken in years. I have a few friends that kind of fade out for a while, but then come back full force.

This friend though, well, they brought complications. And sometimes it's hard to decide if the complications are worth the friendship. I had a friend (still do) a long time ago that used me as her "place". I was the "place" where she was while she was out with her boyfriend, in case her husband called.

I didn't mind then, and wouldn't now. It's not my place to judge, and frankly, sometimes the guy a friend is married to is just a f'ing scumbag and the hope your friend will find someone better is always a good one.

Anyway, this friend brought complications. So, it's been a struggle for me. Then, as quickly as they arrived with all this baggage, they decided to go another course, and left me in the dust. I'm still reeling, so pardon if this entry goes off on tangents.

Okay, to further bring this journal up to speed.

My other friend (not the same one) Steph came with her family for a visit this week. What a kick in the pants. I adore her and her family. She is the sweetest thing on two feet, her children are a blast, and her husband is the quickest wit and gives me quite the run for my money. He and Bruno really hit it off and it's just the most relaxing way to spend a few days, with good friends, crappy Chinese food (oh, was that horrible) and a couple glasses of wine.

I had to present (through my Autism Support Group) to prospective personal care assistants and para-educators on Tuesday night. Just a quick presentation about how to deal with some of the quirks our kids with autism present. How to best support the child and the family. It was only maybe 15 min. But my poor friend Steph got stuck manning a volunteer position while I was in there doing my spiel (is that how you spell spiel?) and to thank her for coming I took her to a Chinese place the locals recommended. Wow, they have the worst Chinese in St. Albans, VT. The worst.

I was also recently asked to take over the secretary position in our local support group. It's a not-for-profit corporation, so this is a real position, and I was flattered that such a really positive group wanted me. This is a group that really moves and shakes, and really is pro-active in the political fields as well as family support. I love that I'll be more a part of this. I also love bitching out legislators about their lack of involvement or understanding of what families with special needs kids face on a daily basis. Oh, and the senators and Governor too. I adore meeting with them and explaining clearly what they need to do...LOL

James and Darby finished school, and then, wouldn't you know it, James' ESL camp got cancelled for the summer, citing lack of enrollment. I was able to get him into the same summer camp as Cory before it filled, but I'm really bummed. I am lobbying (go figure, me and my mouth, eh?) to get it reinstated, as many kids are federally funded for this and I basically blasted the director they offered it at too low a cost (eek, gad, did I say that?) and they needed to re-consider very carefully if the additional 4 children I found and a raise in rates wouldn't allow the program to continue. I'm supposed to get an answer next week.

The garden's coming in nicely. I can't believe we didn't get any tomatoes at all last year due to lack of sun. I have a bunch green already, and hope they make it. I personally hate the things, but James and Bruno inhale them every night. So...might as well grow them so I know they aren't covered in pesticides, right?

Tomorrow is Father's Day. Cory is taking Bruno out for a full day deep sea fishing trip out of NH. I'm so proud of my guy...he's so totally cool.

I would be wrong not to think of Kristen's dad this year (as I do every year). He's deployed right now in Afghanistan. So he doesn't have his son to help distract him from the fact Kris is gone. I was the crappiest ex-wife while Kris was alive, the least I can be is a decent one now that she's gone, right? I sent him 10# of candy to give out to the kids there, but he responded they have plenty and not to send more. I guess the service men are still remembered, that is a very good thing.

Anyway, my wishes to all loss dads to have as peaceful day as possible tomorrow.

Okay, time for one more cup of coffee before the kids come flying out ready to tackle the day. Wish me luck...oh, all those minutes on the elliptical machine are starting to flare up!

My mis-behaved pets

2007-06-10T04:25:00.000-07:00

Kramer, Sophie & Tali.

Cat, Dog, Dog

Evil, Naughty & Naughty

Kramer...

I noticed last night, as Kramer had settled in for a long snooze on my chest (I was trying to watch TV) that Kramer is by far the worst pet ever. He sheds without compare, every single stroke of my hand over his body created a puff of gray fur light and soft and oh-so-very-easily-able to drift on air currents and be snuffed up your nose. Then, when and if startled by say, one of the dogs coming in for a nap on the pillow by the bed, he digs his claws into your stomach for a split second while he evaluates the danger factor (zero, it's always been zero and it will always be zero).

This is a cat that 1. beats up the dog (Sophie), 2. steals the children's toy pieces and eats or hides them, 3. Eats only high-dollar food (and after that whole poisoning episode I can't blame him, really) 4. Ate our entire garden down to the nub while we were sprouting it in-house this year, 5. craps or pees in the tub or sink when he's too lazy to go downstairs and use his box, usually 3x/wk., 6. This is the animal that got pooh stuck in his fur and wiped it all over the entire basement, walls, floor, toys, etc., in a weird acid-haze type way, 7. Camps on the tables or counters whenever he pleases. I could go on and on, but you get the picture. He is beyond ill-mannered.

Sophie...

Ah, here is the epitome of naughty dogs. Yesterday, she broke through the screen on the porch (in her defense I think it was hanging in it's frame by only 1 nail) and spent ~6 hours chasing every rodent in the neighborhood. Squirrels, chipmunks, bunnies...prancing about like a deer or gazelle, until she was so tired she couldn't move anymore and when finally caught (by Cory no less) had to be carried into the house where she collapsed for a 16 hour nap to recover. During this time I had ~4 neighbors come over to tell me "you're dog is loose". One, directly across the street had to stand guard over her family of bunnies she's keeping in her bushes. Sophie has eaten the sofa, blankets, towels, toys, shoes (my brand-new-never-even-worn-exclusive-catalog-only-black-cool-crocs, thankyouverymuch!), basically you name it, she's destroyed it. She hovers over the boys and steals used Kleenex's out of their hands so she can take them downstairs and spend a 1/2 hour chewing their snotty used Kleenexes. (oh, I'm grossing myself out typing this).

Tali...

This is the most food-motivated animal on the planet. This dog would pull a car for a dog bone. A piece of a dog bone. A crumb of a dog bone. This is a dog that is having trouble negotiating the stairs to go in and out to pee, but can jump up from a deep sleep and careen across the floor to catch a piece of macaroni as it begins its descent from the child's plate to the floor. Keep in mind she weighs 124+ pounds, so she knocks all the kids out of the chairs on the way to catching that one lone piece of macaroni. She can't hear the Schwan's van (have you seen those huge trucks?) pull up in our driveway so she has to bark for a 1/2 hour to tell me about it (by then the guy's filled my order and been gone for 20 min).

I'm thinking that if a best-seller can be written about a lab, I should have movie-rights for these guys.

Heart Names

2007-06-08T07:28:00.000-07:00

I call Cory "Buddy". I call Darby "punkin" (offshoot of the "Pumpkin" I used to call Kris).

James wanted a special name.

He chose Sam.

Strange, isn't it? We thought this adoption was somewhat 'blessed' from Kris as Sam was the American name our agency called James. Kristen's brother (my ex's son) is Sam. And now James wants Sam as his special/heart name. When I asked him what name he wanted my heart to call him by, he didn't even hesitate.

Now, to be honest, his favorite book is Green Eggs and Ham right now. And Sam in the book brings about a 180degree change in the old crone that won't try something new (see any correlations here???? hmmm?).

Apt name. Brings everything back full circle, don't you think?

Graduation times 2

2007-06-08T03:03:00.000-07:00

Graduation...

Cory's "end of year presentation" was great. Lots of singing and the kids all enjoyed participating. Darby's "graduation" from EEE to Kindergarten wasn't as orchestrated. Some kids needed their aide (that's Darby's in the picture) some needed their mom, others ran to get their diploma. A great mix of kids and abilities, and much more low-key.

James hasn't asked, and I'm not going to volunteer why he is in "Kindergarten" now and will be again next year. You can see his wheels turning, but I know it's a lack of language. That's okay, by the time he has the language, school will have started (or close to) and I think the excitement it brings him will remove any questions. We have decided he will start full time, full day, with a 1:1 aide at all times. Daily his reports (this week) have been much better behavior. I do think a lot of it was learning what the boundaries are. They were always so much stricter and tighter before. He went from an institute with every door locked to the whole wide world waiting for him. Has to be hard to learn there are unwritten and undrawn lines you don't cross (going behind the cashier counter in a store, etc.) The things we learn and teach our children without words is immense, and when you adopt an older child from a different culture you sit back stunned with the understanding of what truly is Tribal Knowledge.

So, summer begins for us next week. Cory is out of school on Tuesday, Darby & James on Thursday. (Yeah, weird to have their ceremonies before the end of school, but I think they got off-kilter due to snow days)

On the home front. 4 tons of wood pellets were delivered Wednesday morning. Trying to be frugal, buying when the price is low. This should see us through the entire winter (we had just over a 1/2 ton left over from last year). The hard part is getting them from the garage to the basement and stacking them out of the way. 4.5 tons of pellets take up a lot of room! I am very glad we went to the pellet stove though, the ambient heat in the basement keeps the tile floors much warmer upstairs, not to mention the much lower heating costs. We can keep the upstairs really comfortable now and are still spending less than we did with oil, and that was before the costs went through the roof.

Some friends are coming for a few days to see us from PA. I am so looking forward to that. Adult conversation with a peer! And it's my peer! Woohoo! They will be here Monday, and oh, criminy, is the basement a wreck. My pellet stove is wonderful, but talk about dust!

Not much else blog-worthy in my life right now. Tonight is the annual picnic for Cory's school, and I just found out KFC closed up. No idea what I'm going to take for picnic'y food for Darby now. *sigh* So now I'm torn between hoping for rain and hoping for good weather.

Patching

2007-06-06T16:01:00.000-07:00

Well, we're patching James' good eye now. ~8-10 hours a day (not during school, too stressful in my opinion to do it then). He's 20/400 without glasses in that eye, 20/150 w/glasses. So, basically, when he's wearing his patch, he's legally blind.

Poor kid.

We go back in 5 weeks to see if we continue. If we continue, minimum time he'll wear patches is 5 months.

The skin around his eye is already getting very raw from the patch adhesive. I've ordered 2 different kinds of patches hoping their adhesives are more skin-friendly. It will be easier Fri-Mon as he won't have school those 4 days so won't have to wear two patches a day (I put it on in the morning, then it comes off for his PM program, and a new patch was going on in the evening for a few hours to get the whole time). Talk about bitchy. "Mom, I can't see!" Now I understand why the Dr. said first "as long as you can stand it" when I asked her how many hours a day.

Cory graduated from Pre-K yesterday. Weird, as his last day of school is next Tuesday, but whatever. It was a cute program. He left in the middle of it to go pee though...hilarious.

Darby graduates from Pre-K tomorrow. Even though all 3 will be in different classes next year, it will be nice to have them all in the same school at the same time.

Best run and begin the night-time reading.

Just when you think it's safe

2007-05-31T03:20:00.001-07:00

The phone rings.

Farmer's insurance, re: the accident Kristen was in over 3 years ago. Seems Kristen's cousin-in-law (then best friend) has been fighting for a medical claim for all this time from that accident. Claims to have been seriously injured and refusing all offers from the insurance. Hired an attorney, etc.

There is a statute of limitations in NM of 3 years for claims on auto accidents. The three years ran out on 4-15-07. However, there is an excellent possibility the girl's attorney filed a suit before that date and the insurance company wasn't notified, hence their calling me to see if we'd been served with anything.

And of course, this call comes in while I'm putting dinner on the table for the kids. I only answered it because I saw it was Farmer's insurance and I thought it was a solicitation call, and frankly, I was wiling to go back to them.

Anyway, I had to tell the woman that, in my opinion, these claims from Heather are simply retaliatory due to our not "giving" money to them to fund more of Kristen's funeral. They were very angry when they were told we paid all we could/would.

I was no longer Kristen's next of kin. Something I was made painfully aware of every time I did something. I purchased the plot, paid for all expenses (and wow, they charge for every little thing) from the time she got to AZ up to having her headstone installed (yet another charge just to pour some concrete, like $250 or something). We did not give them money for the services they held in NM (I hate NM and would not have had services there), prayer cards, morticians services, etc. Kristen had life insurance (so her husband told me, $10k) and they didn't spend it all. We spent over $14k. Plus all the flowers had to be re-purchased because his family took them all home and when we got to AZ we had no flowers for her grave site. (and my ex bought all the flowers the first time, plus what those that were sent by friends & family)

Well, the woman said that was all highly interesting. (I didn't go into that kind of detail with her, just said there was a disagreement on funding my daughter's funeral and they felt they deserved alot more money). She couldn't tell me the nature of the girl's alleged injuries, but did tell me that the treatment plan she pursued was "highly irregular" or something along those lines. She did say based on what I told her that if they had filed suit, Farmer's would probably fight it hard now. Great...

Anyway, that was just the capper to a day that didn't need a capper.

James is in blue, Cory in red

Cory's pre-K class had their spring field trip yesterday. Wednesday's aren't his usual day, but he really wanted to go (it was to the frog pond at this kid's working farm place). He asked incredibly nicely, and since we're members there, we went along, both he & James. We got home ~10 min before the bus and I thought James would have a great school day, being worn out from all the walking and the sun we had while on this field trip. Was I wrong.

He unstrapped himself so many times on the bus the girl had to put him in a harness and sit next to him. He kicked the seats in front of him, disturbing the other SN kids. He yelled and screamed and basically just went nuts. The aide said it was easy to see it was all in excitement, but still, I thought we had passed this, as I haven't had to stop the car in a very long time.

So, note to self, no more trips out to Shelburne Farms with James before school. And really, he needs more trips out there. Even after all the books we've read, and all the flash-cards, he still could not identify a live chicken, sheep, goat, calf, cow, etc. We stood 3 feet from a cow and I said, "what's that?" and he replied "sheep!!!!". He loved chasing the chickens and tried to pretend he was deathly afraid of seagulls. I said "they won't hurt you" and he dropped and covered his head. I said "look James, do you see them hurting anyone? No, they aren't going near people, they want the food people leave behind". He dropped further to the ground and decided to try to crawl under me, and now I realize this is all his kind of drama. So, a bit worn out from it all I said "James, enough, I said they won't hurt you and you will have to trust me. Stand up and get over it." And he stood up and looked at me like "why aren't you giving me candy now" I said "go play" and he ran off to chase the chickens some more, completely at ease with the seagulls overhead looking for scraps on the picnic tables.

I really thought he'd be worn out and too tired to mis-behave but I guess I was wrong. More behavior like that and he will be banned from the bus. It's not the unbuckling or the screaming, it was the kicking of the seats with the other kids in it that will have them refuse him service. *sigh* I'm sure it was all just way to over-stimulating. I told Bruno I didn't think James was up for it on a school day, but I felt so awful that Cory would miss his field trip. You'd think I would have gotten good at juggling kids events by now, eh?

Today, I have 2 WHOLE HOURS of no-kid time to myself. Darby's aide will take her to therapy, James will be in school, and Cory has a playdate. I pick him up at 3pm and head home to catch the bus, then Darby will be back and it will be business as usual. I have no idea what I'm going to do with my time, I'm thinking library just for peace & quiet. Not really sure.

Anyway, off to start the day.

Pirates 3, contains spoilers....

2007-05-27T07:41:00.000-07:00

So, last night was my "birthday celebration" night.

We went to dinner w/friends, then out to see Pirates.

Since the show was sold out (we did tickets online), the theatre was totally packed. We got there 15 min before the show and the only seats available were the first 2 rows. Horrible seats, staring straight up for 3 hours, my neck is still sore. And we were so close we had to look left to right like in a tennis match to see some of the things going on.

All in all, it was a good movie. Much better than Shrek 3, in my book. Highly reminiscent of the Matrix trilogies, although they left a huge plot wide open for a 4th.

I am a total sucker for good kiss scenes, and when Will Turner finally lays a good one on Elizabeth it was certainly a 4.5 star (out of 5 star) kiss, considering the mortal peril going on around them. Amazing camera shots, and I love the mental instability that affected Jack throughout the movie from his time in the locker. All in all, an excellent pirate outing.

I didn't stay for the after-the-credits-10-years-from-now shot. I really was so incredibly disappointed with the stupid dog from the last movie that I couldn't see wasting 15 min waiting for it. The DVD will be on sale by Xmas, I'm sure. I read on some boards that it was (SPOILER) Elizabeth and their son waiting for Will. Easy to see that the next movie will be (SPOILER) Elizabeth helping Jack find the Fountain of Youth so she can stay young and beautiful for Will when he comes into port every 10 years. Somehow I hope she finds a way to die to stay on board with him, weird what you wish for a herione, eh?

Came home to find that James really mis-behaved for the sitters. *sigh* So, I guess it will be a while before we try this again. Or we'll have to find a cross between Mary Poppins and a Nazi to keep him on track next time. When I tried to talk to him about his behaviors this morning, he lied and blamed Cory for everything. I'm so glad the sitters (there were two) both were there to give me the whole story, as for once Cory was totally innocent, according to them.

Anyway, two movies in one day is a lot for an old woman like me. Glad the next one I'm up for seeing isn't out for a month yet. Rat-a-too-ii. Looks good in the trailers, so I have hope.

Shrek 3....

2007-05-26T11:22:00.000-07:00

Do not bother.

Our Autism support group gets private showings every month or so, since so many of our kids don't "get" how to act in a theatre. Today was the latest, and the movie was Shrek 3.

It stunk, to be nice.

Total snoozer. The only part that got me to chuckle was when Mary Poppins got the animals to go ballistic on the tree-guards. I did like the new rendition of 'Barracuda' that Heart did, too.

Rest of the movie was a real waste. Cory looked at me when it was over and said "when is it going to be funny?" 'nuff said.

So, when?

2007-05-25T03:24:00.000-07:00

Kristen ~17 in our backyard in Oregon

Kristen when she was ~4 playing in the sprinklers at my sister's old house

When do you get to say you've had enough?

When do you get to wave your white flag? When is it recognized that you've suffered deeply and greatly? When do you get to make amends, when do you get to say "I've become a better person, please stop the punishment?"

Why do things still blind-side me? Why do really stupid things really blind-side me?

Last night, Bruno discovered that we could get our Wii on our wireless internet and he could download games and mess around with it. I'm sitting at the table doing a puzzle. Since doing an old one I had around the house (James likes to do puzzles, but due to his eyesight-I think-he tends to body-block the view so I do puzzles next to him) and finding it was one I'd done with Kristen a long long time ago, I have been keeping one in a keeper and pulling it out when I have some spare time. I realized as I sat there I was doing puzzles because I missed Kristen. I guess you could say I slipped into a Kris-mode/depression since the 2.5yr anniversary. I know I've had a hard time coming to the surface, if you will, and I've gained weight, etc.

Anyway, I'm doing the puzzle. Bruno asks me out of the blue "what was that system you had that had that game ToeJam & Earl?" I say "Sega Genesis". He says, okay...I really start thinking about Kris at this point as I played hours and hours and hours of this game with her when she was ~10. And we played it every so often after that. Well, lo & behold, you can download that game onto the Wii, and Bruno did.

Part of me loves it, and part of me hates it.

I want to have some time where it just doesn't hurt. I hate how it sounds but I am just tired of being so dragged down. If it's not James' mis-behaving that has me on a run, it's thinking of Kris. Why are my thoughts of her turning to sad lately, anyway? So many in recent past were fond happy things...and now even those are bringing on the tears?

*deep breath*

I hope spring will remove the funk from my life. We're in for really hot weather today, but much nicer and spring-like for the weekend. We're having friends over on Monday for a BBQ and playdate, Bruno & Cory are going to dip the rowboat in the water for the first time on a half-day fishing trip. My garden is starting to sprout nicely, still waiting on the cucumbers and peppers, but we'll see. The tomatoes even have blossoms already.

Bruno's decided to ride his bike to work starting next week, so I will run his tires to the shop and get them repaired today. At $3+/gal, we have to make some more changes. This is a good thing I've been ragging on him forever. He'll get some exercise and time to think on his 1 mile commute now. Good weather, and iPod, a short ride to clear your head, I'm hoping he'll come home smiling from the ride.

What really pisses me off the most is I get all depressed when I have it so good. What, exactly, is up with that? I have 4 cool kids, 2 cool dogs, a seriously cool cat, a great guy to share everything with...I should walk around all day with a huge smile, right?

Darby

2007-05-23T05:24:00.000-07:00

Someone I know on a parenting board just got a dx of autism for their child.

Brought back a lot of memories of when Darby was dx'ed.

Wow, I thought my world was over. I'm not kidding. I could not imagine a worse thing in my life. Of course, fate decided to really screw with me and Kristen died less than a year later and I got a real taste of what terrible was.

Anyway, yesterday I got to switch with Darby's aide. I had her take Cory for the afternoon (until Bruno got home, then she had James when he got off the bus and Bruno & Cory went fishing). I had a meeting at school for Darby's summer program, so picked her up. We came home, got outfitted with what we needed, then went on our afternoon. Speech therapy and then the GI Dr. At the Speech therapist I made an offhand comment that "Darby was therapy". At first I think the SLP misunderstood, and thought I was complaining that all we do with Darby is therapy, but then she smiled and understood. Darby IS therapy. When the day sucks, I find that some 1:1 Darby time is exactly what I need.

It was healing for me yesterday to spend so much time alone with her. I usually send the aide to all the therapies, but since the GI dr. appt was yesterday, I needed to take her. It was like a breath of air. Make no mistake, I love James and our family, but I get very worn down by him...the constant need for attention, the echolaliac speech (typical I'm sure of the development of a new language at his age), the behaviors, etc.

Today I get Cory time for the afternoon. Darby's aide will take her from 1-3 and Cory and I will have alone time. Then I get Darby again for haircuts.

Anyway, I just wanted to remind myself how incredible my little girl is. Wow...I wonder what she'd be like if she could talk?

Oh, forgot! Darby is like famous around here! LOL. At the speech therapist (it's a therapy center) a woman I've never seen before looks at me and says "Is that Darby?". Seems a friend of mine sent her Darby's picture to post on her autism site. Then we get to the GI dr. and we're in the waiting room (there's all kinds of ped specialists at this center) and a woman looks at me and says "that's Darby, right?" She works at Darby's school. The SLP I mentioned above commented after I told her Darby was therapy that she "loves Darby Days".

My kid is so cool.

Smarter than a 5th grader?

2007-05-22T06:08:00.001-07:00

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/local/newsletter/mu-html/ny-et5thgrade0227-quiz,0,3118508.triviaquiz?coll=orl-middayupdate-utility

I scored 89% and I'm really annoyed. Cory gave me the answer to "what type of animal is a turtle" and I guess I knew better than my 5 yr old.

*sigh*

Thinking back to gotcha day

2007-05-20T17:05:00.000-07:00

This is James waving goodbye on gotcha day.

Just thinking back to where we were, and now where we are. Some things are so much further along than I had imagined they would be, and others are way more difficult than I imagined.

He's come so far. I joined a new group of adoptive parents and it's giving me loads of insight. Some great articles to read about why James reacts the way he does. Helps alot to know this isn't necessary him, who he is and who he wants to be, it's the product of 6 years of neglect.

We have a lot yet to overcome, but wow...has he come a long ways already. Happy 2.5 months home, sweetheart!

Bit the bullet and bought a Wii

2007-05-18T08:32:00.000-07:00

I know nothing of these things. I'm not really into the whole "home theatre gaming" thing.

Cory can't get enough of Bass Pro Shops Pro Fishing game, so we figured that between the fishing and the tennis and the dance pad things, we could at least get the boys some exercise when it's raining, and it appears it will be raining for quite some time.

Anyway, I couldn't believe that stores had these on the shelves. I mean, when I googled them I saw them on ebay for a lot more than their price tags in the store.

So, tonight I am sure the sound of "ZINNNggggg" will be heard througout the house as casting for the big one begins. How many times do you think the remote thing will be chucked across the room??

School was a success!

2007-05-18T03:38:00.001-07:00

Well, happy is a word that comes to mind. Yes, happy would describe it.

Bruno met his bus and said James was just zoning until he looked over at the door and saw Bruno. Then he flew out of the seat with a "Daddy!" and came flying out of the bus. He had to go back to get his backpack.

He doesn't have the language yet to tell us on his own what he did, but from the questions we asked we know he 1., ate his lunch with his teacher & para-educator, 2., played with puzzles, colored and read books, 3., did not get to go outside for reccess because of the rain.

He was pretty tired through the evening, and not only didn't blink when I said it was time for sleep, but fell asleep with little or zero rocking. None while I was in the room, anyway.

Oh, and you'll love this!

2007-05-17T09:29:00.000-07:00

While we were waiting for the bus, this woman I've never seen before pulls up. She introduces herself as a neighbor, further up on the hill. Asks me "is this your autistic child?" I think wow, you have zero manners, bitch, but I answer "no, my daughter has autism." She says, "oh, well, my great-nephew was just diagnosed, they live in North Carolina, you should move there"

Don't you love it? She doesn't know my name, never saw me before, but she's completely comfortable telling me what to do, to the tune of moving from Vermont to North Carolina. I'm so stunned I can't even formulate a response. It doesn't matter, she obviously was used to one-sided conversations because...

She goes on and on and explains to me what causes autism, how best to treat it, blah blah blah.

Here was James, reveling in his first day of school, and so much of it was lost thanks to this idiot deciding she needed to explain autism to me.

People with no class really chap my behind.

So, is this normal?

2007-05-17T08:53:00.000-07:00

Or am I just emotional? Pre-Menstrual?

James just got on the bus. I'm crying. Why?

This is essentially the 3rd child I've put on a bus for school. Last and final child will be Cory in the fall. This isn't new to me, in fact, I started doing this 18 or so years ago. I should be a pro, right?

Not to mention this is the culmination of 1.5 months of badgering school to get this started.

And I'm crying?

What the hell?

James has been ready for this for a couple weeks. He's been dying to go. He's been brokenhearted by not going. He ran a fever all last night, and truth be told, it's only down to the high 99's right now, but I couldn't possibly tell him he couldn't go. All our work to get him comfortable and to trust us would have been out the window if we had denied him this day. He was ready 15 min early and we stood outside in the rain waiting because he just couldn't contain himself anymore, and that's w/a fever.

His lunch is packed and in his backpack. He can recite every item we put in there. He knows the bus will bring him home at the end of the day. He knows he'll eat at school, and meet new friends and new teachers.

And I'm crying. Isn't this what we wanted? To bring this precious boy home and show him the world, to teach him to fly on his own? So what in the world is wrong with me?

I have pictures, and when Bruno gets home and explains to me for the umpteenth time how to upload them onto the computer (why did he change it on me?) I'll post some.

*sniff*

School for James and Cranio-Sacrial therapy for Darby

2007-05-11T03:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a huge day, even though it seemed quite small.

James and I went to school and met his Case manager (an adoptive dad!) and his new SLP. Both seemed nice, James is so eager for school he did a dance for them (happy dance) when they asked if he wanted to come. James showed them how quickly he did puzzles while we strategized what his program would look like this year.

I think this time should be used to get James used to a school environment. James' old culture didn't allow for him to learn how to line up and take turns. It was a "survival of the fittest, get in the front of the pack" kind of environment and that won't fly at an American school. At first they wanted to have James attend for lunch & recess and I was like "huh? How does that teach him social skills, not to mention how overstimulating a full cafeteria is?"

Time with an OT and a PT, doing some adaptive PE to teach him to use ALL his body parts in concert, time with a SLP to see if we can overcome some of this speech difficulties, time learning the rhythm of school and how to walk safely down the hallways...how to use a stall in a bathroom for Pete's sake...these are things he needs exposure to and time to assimilate.

Between the rest of the year now, and the ESL summer camp, I want him to walk into K next year with his head held up and some confidence that he's a seriously important member of school's community instead of getting over-stimulated and breaking down over all the input.

However...some disheartening news....James' behavior yesterday took a real sad turn for the worst. He was seriously defiant, and again, with things that either 1. held no fun-factor or 2. lost him something he really seemed to want. I know this is part of the cycle, push the parents away to see if they'll leave, but wow...I was hoping for a slightly longer good streak before this presented itself. It is making me second guess his need for school at this point. I really thought he needed help in areas I'm not an expert (the speech things, there are sounds I can't help him figure out how to make, L's, R's, W's, etc. which has gotten to the point to really be impeding my ability to communicate with him) and the motor planning stuff. I know enough to know those are areas he needs help in, but not enough to help him past these points we've gotten to. He's made huge strides, he's gone from never using his right leg to being able to independently ride up and down the driveway on his bike, without bungy-cording his feet to the pedals and he can steer now while he does it.

Okay...Darby's therapy.

This was our second appointment and wow...I'm blown away.

Mindy (therapist) and Darby really hit it off. We started with some ring-around-the-rosey (what a horrid kids song, you know?) and then moved into some growl & knock over play. Mindy used that time to get Darby used to having Mindy's hands on her. Then we went to the white board and practiced writing Darby's name, and Mindy performed therapy while Darby did her name. We talked, and I think determined that Darby's intestinal system was really the target of therapy. Darby experienced her first nasty bout of constipation after seeing Mindy 2 weeks ago. So bad we resorted to meds again to get her moving. Mindy said sometimes things get worse before they get better, and concentrated her efforts on Darby's stomach. Darby spent 1/2 hour moving Mindy's hands to different parts of her trunk, then moving them again. Mindy assured me that Darby was moving her hands, not trying to remove them. Basically Darby was instinctively directing the therapy. Then, in the middle of playing, Darby got up and crawled up onto the table and laid on her stomach for Mindy to do her back for ~5 min. Then off again to play with the white board. Totally cool, on many levels. The biggest one is Darby is using crying and trying to leave any kind of Dr. office, every single time. And she sees a ton of Dr.'s. So, not only was Darby really allowing the treatment, she was doing it with smiles, laughter and having a good time in a Dr's. office setting. This is huge.

Oh, and during our growl & knock over playtime, Darby threw me 2 kisses. Brand new thing, never done it before. Wow!

Rats, the time! I must go and get the kids up and start the morning...

So many firsts...

2007-05-07T13:04:00.000-07:00

I dare you to click on that picture and see it full-screen. Double dare you.

James' screening for school had 2 people there saying "ADHD".

I say, "give the kid a chance. He's been here 2 months and hasn't had a day without something new".

Yes, maybe he's ADHD. And maybe he's just enjoying life for the first time. For 6 whole years he only had 4 senses. Now he has 5, and the ability to interact with all 5.

I doubt he ever ran before. Where would he run?

This weekend he rode in the back of daddy's truck (with a load of mulch for the garden, and only in the backyard, relax safety-parent-patrol, it was less than 2 miles an hour and all of 40 feet).
He is having bbq'ed hot dogs tonight.
He ran through the sprinkler for the first time ever.
He's tried on sandals, with velcro, and figured them out.
He had blood drawn (it's called a refugee panel to get a baseline idea of his overall health).
He ate at a buffet restaurant.
We dug for worms.
We planted flowers.
We watered a tree.

I think tomorrow we'll chase butterflies.

He's such a cool kid.

My son just rocked school's boat!

2007-05-01T13:24:00.000-07:00

I could not be more proud.

James just rocked school's world.

"No, a child cannot be that proficient in English with only 2 months exposure"yesterday's meeting about today's screening

"OH, goodness, it appears his English is much better than I thought"today after the screening

Doreen Says "I think he needs to be in preschool for the rest of this school year to learn social skills"
scoffs are heard around the table at the meeting.

Today...
"Doreen, I will try to bring him into preschool for the rest of the school year, this boy needs to be in school"

WOOWOOWHOOO...JAMES IS ROCKING THE WORLD!

Seriously...
He is so smart. He's a sponge. He has a super (I mean SUPER!) vocabulary for 2 months. He can count to 10, nearly nail the ABC's, knows his colors and shapes. He was asked questions in Russian and responded 8 out of 10 times in English, correctly.

He floored them. He KICKED ASS!

I am sooooo proud!

Wow. He's just amazing. Just absolutely amazing.

Oh, and this is a shot of our latest snow storm

2007-05-01T03:56:00.000-07:00

I dated this April 10th, I think that's when it was...

If you are going to live in Vermont, you have to be prepared for snow school days in April, did you know that?

quick update...

2007-05-01T03:48:00.000-07:00

This is the first time James made cupcakes. Some of my pictures seemed to have dropped off my blog, so not sure if this one is still around or not. The hilarious thing was, he had no idea what he was doing. When I figured that out, I shoved his finger coated with icing into his mouth...his eyes flew open and all of a sudden...he was very interested in making cupcakes!!!

This is actually an email to our agency checking on us, but thought it was a decent update since I haven't had a chance to blog in forever, so here it is with some edits:

Things are good here. Getting better. Not sure we’re completely on the up-hill, but things are so very much better every day that I can’t believe we didn’t turn a corner somewhere. James has the most wonderful disposition in the world, but wow…the habits and survival instincts are set in stone and hard to get around sometimes. It isn’t all just a language thing. It’s getting your mind around the fact that he lived his life in a way I can’t imagine. And when I start thinking at things from his perspective, I figure out how to get through to him. But learning what his perspective is was a hard, foreign thing to do…

So, long story short, we are doing well. Spring break is over, James will be screened for his school evaluation today. (I’ve been pushing for this for a long time, so a month+ of frustration is over as of 3pm today). James adores Cory and is showing more affection and attention with me everyday. Bruno has been on travel a lot lately (not something we had hoped for) so that’s been rough. And Cory & Darby both came down with the croup during spring break, which really hampered our fun time.

I sure wish there was parent’s list serve specifically for adopting older Russian kids, so I could drain the brains of some of the more experienced adoptive parents. To have someone explain to me (cuz sometimes I need a whack on the head) that James was never allowed to ask for anything, even to be done with an activity, would have helped me read his cues better. I’ve found he’ll really mis-behave simply to be done with something (like break the crayons when he doesn’t want to color, simply because he doesn’t know he can indicate he’d like to be done coloring and move onto something else). Now we read his cues better and offer him the opportunity (empower him) to use words and be done, we have so much less negative behaviors to deal with.

Don't get me wrong, I can't imagine how else you would care for so many children at once. You couldn't allow free will (I'm sure even bathroom breaks were all on a schedule) so after 6 years of being somewhat conditioned it can't be easy to begin to break out of that mold. For the record, my son was extremely well care for. He came to us as healthy as possible, and I know in my heart the social workers and director of his home wished him the very best and did everything they possibly could for him. They simply had 84 other kids too. How do you care for that many children with no money? They work miracles, in my estimation. I wish the average Joe American could see what we saw on our trip. That same orphanage here in the states would have been filled with corruption, abuse, neglect...not there, none of those things were there. They just had too many kids. It still hurts my heart to think of that sweet little Marina there...the one with the hole in her heart and the face of an angel. Good grief, how I wish we could have just one more child. It would be her in a heartbeat.

Back to James...

He’s learning to ask for more things, like something to drink or eat, or to do certain things. It’s really helping and I think he loves being more of his own boss. We have to limit his choices though…absolutely no more than 2 and sometimes none. He can’t seem to process some things are at his discretion, so we limit that and he does better. Heavy work to wear him out (and build up his muscles) really helps too. His eyesight issues really had his development skewed. He can do things with his fingers that most kids can’t do with their eyes & their fingers. (buckles, etc), but he can’t use both sides of his body cooperatively (riding a bike, he can only pedal with his left leg, it’s weird…like since he couldn’t see with his right side, he never bothered to learn to use the right side of his body).

He is an amazing boy, with so much love hidden under the surface. I can’t wait for him to relax and let us in.

(oh, and he’s beyond petrified of anyone speaking Russian. Bruno was at the park with him and a man w/his son were there. The man was from Russia and asked to talk to James in Russian. Bruno said sure…the man said something and James freaked out. I’m positive James associates Russian language with the orphanage and is afraid he’d have to go back…so I’m letting him listen to my Russian-teach-yourself-phrases-for-adopting-children CD’s I have so he can hear the language in a comfortable safe environment).

So, a very long story short…we’ve been really busy!

2.5 yrs

2007-04-07T10:47:00.000-07:00

I woke up and thought...wow, it's been 2.5 yrs. Look at how we've put our lives back together.

Then I thought...it's been 2.5 yrs. Look at how we've put our lives back together in the respect that she's not in them. And it feels like a betrayal.

There's no options. You get up, you breathe, you put one foot in front of the other.

If you don't, you don't honor her memory. If you do, you seem disloyal to her memory.

2.5 yrs.

Helped my father in law die.
Buried my father.
Been to court w/school 2 times fighting for services for Darby.
Implemented bio-medical treatments for Darby that seem to be helpful.
Been to the brink of divorce and back.
Adopted a new son.

I look at this list and think, how did I do these things without her?

Adopting James has made me see that we've kept moving on. Now as a family, here's concrete proof we are moving on. We can't stay in a past with her. Time marches on, with no relief, pity or sympathy for the difficulties that it presents.

James will never know her. He won't know her smell, or her laugh. He won't know her sense of humor, or the swing of her hair. All she will be to him is a name and some pictures on the wall.

Cory & Darby don't remember her, I know that. Cory knows those pictures are Kristen, but he doesn't ask where she is anymore.

My dog will not live out the year, I'm sure. Another link to Kristen will be severed when she dies...she was there when Tali came home to us. Tali was a reason I kept going on too, not as much as the kids, but her unconditional love and her hugs helped me through some very dark times. How will I have the strength when the time comes to lay another part of my heart in the ground?

I feel like shit today.

Few things before I forget

2007-04-03T03:38:00.000-07:00

April is Autism Awareness Month. Toss a few bucks in a can if you can.

James has tested positive for more parasites. The treatment is the same as we'd been doing for the Giardia (tested for that last week), but unfortunately, stronger doses and more. And this stuff tastes beyond nasty. Not too pleased with the lack of availability the Dr. has had lately, I can't get her on the phone to go over test results. Bruno wants to run lab-work on James to check his titers for his various vaccinations, as Bruno doesn't trust his Russia vaccinations. I am of the mindset to say screw the vac's, couldn't give a rip less, ain't doing new ones, but have agreed to do the blood work to see, and then I'll stage my arguments if needed.

Been meeting with school again for Darby's K transition and ESY. All of this stuff makes me want to vomit. And of course, they come to the table with crap offers and then when I question or ask for more, it's "we don't have that information". Well, great. And now with Bruno gone on travel for 2 weeks starting Easter, I can't meet with them until they come back from Spring Break. So the earliest we can pound out her ESY is April 30th. Gee...thanks.

James is slowly (and I mean slowly) starting to relax around us. He's really testing his limits too. He's doing things simply to get corrected for them at this point. In the bathtub, he's no longer allowed to get his face wet or pour water on his head. He goes positively nuts from the sensory input, and it's scary the way he flops and heaves his body around (glass doors on the tub, too). The other day he poured about 2 tablespoons on his head and then looked at me like, "what are you going to do about it". So, I told him to get out, and he stood up, zero protest, and got out. The last two times in the hot tub he's played with the filters (a definite no-no and really, a zero on the play/fun scale). So, he's had to get out. And he just stands up and leaves. So, I'm fairly certain he's just making sure the rules don't change from day to day. This means Bruno and I have to communicate constantly, to keep things 100% consistent. It will actually be easier when Bruno's out of town, although I'm sure I'll empty out my valium container while he's gone.

The one thing I wish is he'd take Cory's lead and bring us things or tell us when something breaks. I think that will take a very long time though. Right now, he's breaking things and either leaving them fast (get away so as not to be blamed) or hiding them. And this is a kid with zero coordination, so stuff is breaking left & right. I am wondering what we'll have left in a year. I know if he'd relax his coordination would be a little better, but only time will show him he's not going back to an orphanage and that we won't turn into monsters at night. Who knows what he's thinking, you know?

A friend sent this to me

2007-03-31T17:07:00.001-07:00

A friend of mine sent me this. She's in the middle of a foster/adopt situation and got this from seminar she attended. I cried when I read it. Tonight was a particulary trying evening for me, no real reason why, either. So I re-read these and rocked James to sleep. It ended better than I had hoped it would.

Support Ideas
By Nancy Thomas
1. Realize this is a very painful situation. If you are on the Mom’s side, you
are on the child’s side. If you take the child’s side against the Mom, they
both lose.
2. Listen with open ears and hearts. Not judging, not being critical.
Condemning, criticizing or blaming Does Not Help! Lift the burden,
don’t load it down.
3. Make short, loving phone calls (occasionally) to listen and encourage, not
to advise, not to gather information or “check on them”. Tell her she can
call whenever she needs an ear.
4. Take her to lunch or dinner.
5. Rent a funny movie and share it.
6. Send her flowers, chocolate or cards with love and a smile in it.
7. Bring her some dinner or baked goods.
8. Hugs are always healing. Moms need 12 a day minimum.
9. Do Not give unasked for advice.
10. Take all information as confidential.
11. Pray for them.
12. It is very helpful to educate yourself about Attachment Disorder.
13. Run errands to help lift the load.
14. Take the kids somewhere for the afternoon. Be sure she knows it’s
because she deserves a break and not because she can’t handle it.
15. Give her a gift certificate for a massage, hair salon, hot springs
16. Give her Mozart’s music or some other calming or uplifting tunes.
17. Give her a stuffed animal filled with love for her inner child.
18. Give her one of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books.
19. Scratch her back, pat her shoulder.
20. Buy her bubble bath and watch the kids for an hour or so while she soaks
to music.
21. Remind her of her special traits and talents.
22. Tell the child often, in front of her, how lucky they are to have a mom like
this.
23. Absolutely, never show up without calling to check for an
appropriate time to visit.
24. Never tell her to “Just love the child more”. If you already have, beg
forgiveness for not understanding.
**** Do not say, “Let me know if I can help.” Instead, do one or more

What a busy day!

2007-03-27T03:44:00.000-07:00

Monday...

Bruno is off Mondays (works Saturdays) so he took James to his first dental appt.

James did fantastic! Got nearly all (looks fantastic) the tea stains off his teeth. He managed x-rays even! Between our brushing (which James loves) and flossing, there was no plaque. He front 2 teeth are discolored due to (according to dentist) trama during devleopment. The dentist estimates the birth mom was under significant stress at the time his teeth were developing. We have high hopes that his diet was well-rounded enough that his adult teeth will be strong. (and we're doing our best now) His teeth are well spaced and he's about to lose his first tooth! (Tooth fairy, where are you?)

As for school, yesterday I met regarding both James & Darby. James' plan right now is to build a team to strategize his eval. Right now his team consists of the spec ed admin (not my fav person in the world), an independent consulting evaluator that happens to be a Russian national and fluent, the principal, the ESL teacher, an SLP and myself. I realize now I should have pushed for an OT on the team, but I will push to make an OT part of the eval team, as this team simply plans the eval, doesn't perform it.

Darby's meeting was much more heart-wrenching. I had decided she needed another year of preschool. Her K skills were not/are not there. School had told me it was illegal. I informed them in writing before the meeting that my intent was she stays in preschool and if they don't agree, bring me legal case studies that prove their point.

Instead they brought me the recommendations by her educators. They unanimously recommend her for K. They believe the K program is far stronger than what they can provide.

During this meeting, in the back of my mind and the front of my heart I realized that Darby will always personify a lot of my need for protecting 'my kids'. This won't make a lot of sense (this is my personal online journal so I only have to make sense to me), but basically, I have to let her move up. She may stay in K for 2 years, true, but this step from preschool to K is huge. It's like putting her on that bus the first day/week...2.5 years ago. I have to let her grow.

And it ain't easy.

I couldn't protect Kristen. And I have to stop being over-protective of Darby.

Strange, huh? I have no problem tossing James & Cory on a bus for K. And here's Darby been riding a bus for 2.5 years and I don't want her to go. And James is much more vulnerable right now than Darby when it comes to school.

Anyway, Cory has a screening appointment for K. I know he'll do fine. He loves school and I am concerned he'll be bored. His current preschool is more of a K or even 1st grade program. I hope public schools can belly up to the bar and keep him interested. I know he's not profoundly gifted, or even just gifted, but he's quick and he loves to learn. I don't want him to lose those things because he's not challenged or excited about what he's learning.

Other than that, we're not-so-patiently waiting for spring to arrive. We still have snow in our yard (most of town has melted, but not us for some reason) and the rain is already very old. James is dying to take the Gator out for a spin, and he can't seem to get it that we have to wait for the snow to be melt to be able to drive on the yard.

Bruno's in the mood to buy a piece of property to take the kids camping on. We have the realtor looking and she found one, lakefront, that we can probably afford. Bruno got a row/canoe/fishing boat really cheap and is dying to teach James how to fish. And Cory is still sleeping with that Bass Fishing Catalog under his pillow. The Easter Bunny is bringing tackleboxes filled with fishing goodies this year. (why give candy to those gorgeous teeth?)

Okay, time to wake some kids.