Chirstmas Eve, 2006

Well, the holiday is here. Kids are playing, daddy's downstairs cleaning the lens to the big screen (he's decided to move the furniture around and bring the big screen up and move this behemouth of a TV downstairs).

Here I sit, white trash (the best Christmas treat ever invented) in hand, typing away in my blog.

I truly am looking forward to tomorrow, Darby is so much more engaged with us this year than she's ever been, I have very high hopes she'll partipate in opening gifts in the morning. I've resigned myself to the knowledge there is simply nothing more I can do to bring Jamie home any faster, so am not going to sit and stew about it. However, I can't help but get a tad bit sad contemplating the holiday...

3rd Christmas without Kris
2nd Christmas without Bruno's Dad (Gramps)
1st Christmas without my Dad
and, I suppose, the 1st Christmas without Jamie, although that's a bit weird to say/think of in that light.

This year, as I drove around at night and saw houses decorated, I could hear in my head Kristen's critique like a running monologue. "that's nice, oh, that's terrible! look at what they did, they should have moved that, oooohhh, good one, very classy!" I suppose we're lucky she never got out and knocked on the doors of the houses she didn't like to give them pointers.

I still can't pull out her ornaments. I don't know what to do with them. They are probably worth some money, Groilier Disney...some are at least 15-20 years old, all perfect. She was meticulous with them.

I am surprised at how much I miss my dad this year. His corny phone calls. He would call and pretend to be a pizza delivery person that was lost or whatever. What I would pay today for that kind of frustration and annoyance from him right now...can't imagine. They would be so annoying I actually thought once I would never miss them. But I do.

Okay, time to put some clothes on. Running around in my ratty jams...got some cooking to do (Prime Rib & Grandma's potatoes for dinner tonight) and then Turkey & stuffing tomorrow.

I know it will be magic in the morning, when Cory spies that remote control robot he asked Santa for (I can't believe he's stayed focused on just wanting that thing). I know when I see Darby's face light up with her new piano's and music stuff...things will be happy and I will have forgotten, just for a moment, how much I miss Kris, Gramps & Dad this year. And Jamie.

But next year, well, I'm hoping 2007 brings us our son home, and that the whole year goes by without anyone we love dearly passing away. I need a Christmas where it's not the "first Christmas since XX died"...haven't had that in a very long time.

Truly though, I am very blessed (quasi-buddists can have blessings, I've decided). I know it, I revel in it, and I am very happy for it.

Whining complete, time to go see how filthy the back of a big screen TV can get after 15 years of never opening it to vacuum it or clean it. ICK!

The Polar Express

The Polar Express in our town is run entirely by volunteers, and tickets are made available to the general public on a lottery system. If you donate money (at least $100) you up your chances of tickets, and if you volunteer, you also join a smaller lottery, upping your chance of tickets.

So, that said, tickets are very hard to get.

The state's central autism group received an amount of tickets that were made available to our group on a first come-first served basis. On a whim, I purchased 4 tickets, not really sure how Darby would handle it.

I stressed and stressed over the PJ angle. Kids (and adults) were encouraged to participate in the magic and dress in PJ's. So, I finally found Cory & Darby coordinated PJ's. Got decent ones for Bruno & myself, and thanks to the weather being so warm, we were fine in our bathrobes as outer clothing.

First, we were able to park within 500 feet of the venue. Then, we enter the station, but are pulled immediately aside after confirming our group is AAWARE. A 'personal' conductor takes us to our own car. Our friends are mostly already on board. We settle down, get Darby a snack of choice, and soon the train lurches and we are on our way. Hot cocoa and cookies are served, we sing carols and laugh with our friends.

We arrive...

Off the train we go...and the elves! There were elves everywhere...as far as you could see, elves!!! Waving and yelling "Merry Christmas!!" There were tall elves, short elves, girl elves, boy elves...elves everywhere...lining the walkway, showing us the way to the story-telling.

We get our carpet squares and sit as the story is read, and the pictures are up on a big screen matching the book we have at home. The reader rings his bell at the end of the story...but wait...that ringing is very loud...it's SANTA!!! (with more Elves!)

Santa takes us upstairs (our group goes first) and we get our special "first gift of Christmas", a bell off the sleigh! He hugs Cory tightly (Darby is surrounded by singers and the piano, and skips the Santa part) and tells him he's been a good boy, and then off we go through the magic portal to our own state! We were near our car!

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What a weekend.

Saturday was our local Autism Group's Christmas party. A movie, prizes, pizza & Santa, with a pro photographer there to capture the best possible pictures for the parents at really cheap prices. Then Sunday morning was a major birthday party, bounce house, pool, water slide, you name it. Then Sunday evening was the Polar Express.

Darby loved the singers that greeted us in the hallway of the story room. She didn't sit for the story, she was too mesmerized by the girls. They were excellent singers, and treated her like a princess. They took her into a separate area (with Bruno) and sang for her while the story teller read. She played on the piano (volume low) and hummed along with them. Skipping Santa for that kind of inter-action was well worth it.

What a great night.

I will try to add some pictures when I find the cord that connects the camera to the computer.

Christmas party

Today is our "annual" Christmas party for Darby's aides. It's a small tradition. Just food, some gifts (we get them all pajamas, basically because you can buy just about anyone pajamas and it makes an even playing field for all of them), some fun.

Dossier is in Russia...but of course, new documents are still being needed. Our SW has the latest new ones, and only involve me because they have to be apostiled, and so that's my job. I don't know if we're supposed to hand-carry these (they are a brand-new change and the agency isn't sure if it will be retroactive to us or not, but wants us to cover all the bases and have them at the ready if needed) or mail them to the agency to forward to Russia before we go.

I really hope our court date comes soon, as I'd like to think hand-carrying these would get them there quicker than anything else.

I stare at Jamie's picture daily, and hope he can feel me missing him.

Bruno has been in NY on travel for the past 2 weeks, and is hopefully on his way home now, as I type. He'll miss most of our party, but should be able to inhale a ton of food and a few beers before bedtime.

Tomorrow is our Autism Support Group's holiday party. I was in charge of procuring a Santa. What a hoot this will be. The kids get a movie, Santa, some door prizes, etc. Sunday we got tickets for the Polar Express, and the kids have a massive birthday party to attend. Wow, what a weekend. I'm so very glad Bruno's home, or I know Darby would melt-down in all the stimulation.

Got a wonderful surprise this week...Checks! Girlfriends from an online community all pitched in to throw me a virtual adoption shower, and I got at slew of money this week. I'm going to wait for the after Christmas sales and then shop for Jamie. I can't wait. This will mean we'll be able to outfit him pretty well, as some of the expenses I just wasn't considering. I mean, you think adding to your family is fine, but do you go out and buy a bike helmet before diapers? Not usually, LOL. Snow boots & gear, clothes, shoes, car booster, toys, bedding, etc. Anyway, I love to shop and I know I can make some deals in some of the outlet stores nearby after the holiday.

Okay, I should really be cleaning and cooking for tonight's little "do". Darby's been doing fantastic lately. I wish I could have invited her school team, but when I started hinting at it, it was really pooh-ed out...I guess they are really trying to look like there is never any favoritism. I can understand that, but these people are so important in my girl's life, and it seems like all I ever do is show up demanding more, I wish I could take a moment to show them, in person, not just with a card & a gift card, how much they mean to us.

Anyway...merry merry...

Anyone know how early a host can toss back a glass of wine at their own party? *grin*

Snow...

Woke up this morning to a light blanket of snow outside.

Got up to take the dogs out, and deer tracks through our yard made me smile.

Talked with Bruno last night (he was back at his hotel after his shift) and he's so bored. Seems he doesn't even need to be on site if the tools are running, only when they're down. One was down when he got there, he fixed it in an hour, went to his hotel. He's paid for the shift, whether he sits in the hotel or at the site, so either way the money is there, but how incredibly boring. Add to that he's missing Cory's holiday program and such here, he's going to be downright miserable by the time he gets home Friday night, and I bet you he drags his feet terrible back to work the following Sunday. (7.5 hours there in good weather)

Kids were golden for me yesterday, Darby was really tired for some reason and fell asleep at 6:40 or so. I have to go wake her shortly for school soon, as today is her early day.

I have nothing on my plate right now, I finished the holiday stuff, the dossier, etc...it's just the day to day stuff now. I think I'll try to knock out some gingerbread house pieces while the kids are in school. Maybe we can put a couple together as a practice run later.

I have a meeting at school today to discuss Darby's readiness for Kindergarten. Every meeting at school wraps my stomach up like it's made out of eggshells and bounces it around. I hate school meetings. I am not a dumb person, but they never agree, and even when they do, they don't tell you what they agreed on, so you walk away thinking one thing and find out 4 months later they interpreted it completely different and you can piss up a rope. I hate school meetings. Bright spot is the LEA (guy that makes the decisions on everything) who is also our district's special needs administrator has filed his retirement paperwork for the end of this year, or so the rumor mill reports. I am not celebrating like the other parents, I'm too nervous about who will replace this guy. The devil you know and all that...and I think I know this devil. I don't want to have to learn a new one.

Off to wake a child or two...

Dossier is COMPLETE!

Wow, what a great feeling! I imagine this is close to how it feels to complete your thesis.

Document upon boring document...all tiny bits of our lives, shape us into people in the hands of attorneys & judges. And they are done!

I waved goodbye to the girls at the Secretary of State's office cheerfully saying "hope I never see you again!" (I am sure there will be a few more things we didn't do right, but for now...I'm happy to not make that drive again for a while)

At the prep counter in the Post Office, I called the agency, and ticked off each item as I slid it into the envelope. Yes, yes, yes, 2 copies, yes, yes, and WOW, we are done!

We missed our deadline (self imposed) of 12/1 to have our documents on the way to Russia (idiot doctor held everything up), but all in all, we started this on 9/11/06, and not even three months later, we are submitting for our court date, on 12/1/06. Wowsers!

*pats self on back*

And now...my husband leaves town for 2 weeks. *sigh* He'll miss the Christmas party we are throwing, Cory's Christmas pageant at school, but he will be home for our Polar Express ride and for our Autism Christmas gathering.

Life has gifts. Some days you have to look really hard for them, some days they pop up and wave.